Apologue #29: I’m Not Attracted to You Anymore!

Cruel, I know. I was randomly flicking through channels this past weekend and stopped myself at TBS and saw they were programming “The Change-Up.” There was one part of the movie that kind of stuck on me and it was the part when the male lead (who actually isn’t himself) turns to his wife and abruptly says, “I’m not attracted to you anymore.” The wife, of course, is heartbroken and thinks what she just heard with eyes glistened reliving what he says for days without any idea what to do.

So I began to wonder. What do you do and what can you say when your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend says this to you? I suppose the wise thing to say if you’re married is to work out the problem and stick to it strong. I really believe that that is what marriage is all about. Not that just because you’re married, all problems can magically be solved. With relationships and dating, I’m actually not too sure what would be the right thing to do.

So, I talked to a friend. This friend is known to kind of . . . what’s the right word . . . “hop” around dates and relationships. Of the five years I have known this friend, they have never surpassed three months in a relationship. No matter how good, it just never reaches three months. My friend isn’t too promiscuous, at least they don’t cheat, just “enjoys” themselves.

So I asked if this kind of scenario has happened to them or has anyone said that to them. I was surprised to get a double yes. Of course we all know it would suck if someone said this to us without having to experience it. But to actually say it, I can’t ever imagine saying these words with my own lips to anyone.

My friend on the other hand says that they have used this line multiple times because 1) it’s a sure deal breaker and will lead to a break-up if they feel no matter what they say to their significant other they just won’t let go and 2) honesty, it’s actually the truth. When I listened to what lead to the attraction from falling apart, it was usually things that bugged them. Some were quite humanistic. I especially liked the one where on one date, they had a dinner buffet date and the significant other ate too much and so they had to unbuckle their jeans and rest up for an hour with their protruding belly popping out for the whole world to see before being able to leave the restaurant. I found it amusing whereas my friend found it distasteful. We all have our differences.

Personally, when I am single, I do tend to jump around person to person too (remember that I said when I’m single, please). I don’t linger eyes on other men when I’m taken. But when I’m single, my attraction level to men do hop around often. One week I may be thinking about one man and thinking possibilities and then if I don’t see you or hear from you, I hop to the next guy that I find attractive.

I surprise myself how sometimes every different man has a characteristic I can fall for but in the end I slide back down to reality and don’t deal with it. I like being single too much. It’s times like these when I do worry, if this tendency can happen when in a relationship. So far it never has, but it certainly can. And I wonder about it and think on it hoping it never does. So, I guess my real thought of the day is, where is the line that I might and how do I prevent myself from letting it happen?

Does attraction leave us when we’ve been in a relationship with someone for a long time? I don’t think so. Does it leave us when our significant other has annoying habits we have no control over? Maybe, maybe not. From my experiences, attraction comes with a price. Something I see in someone that I can’t find elsewhere.

At times like these I hope my future admirer will have many surprises that will enlighten me forever. But then again, I’m not perfect either. I also believe that attraction comes in many different forms. It’s not just all you see, but can be what you feel or sense, a character, etc. Attraction scares me the more I delve deeper into it just because it is so unknown, even within myself.

Like I said, it’s something I find attractive that I can’t find elsewhere. To me, personally, it’s not anything physical. It’s mostly character and skill. And then there are rare times where I just don’t know why I’m attracted to someone. That’s why I scare myself. I could just be too reasoning but things I find out about myself that I didn’t know of is always thought-provoking.

Nonetheless, I feel this has been another rambling post with no known conclusion. Maybe attraction isn’t meant to be figured out. But to suddenly lose it and finding it elsewhere will probably always linger within me. Or maybe I should just stop over-analyzing movie scenarios to my daily life. TBS, you will be the death of me.

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