Apologue #46: My Six Types of Love

Within the many different archetypes of loves in this world, I have tuned myself to remember the six types that most people will encounter in their lives. Some were good, some were not so hot, and some were downright outrageous but experience-wise, it was all good in the name of love. Who knew there were so many types? Let’s go see what we can dig up!

First is Eros: a passionate, physical and emotional love based on aesthetic enjoyment aka the stereotypical “romantic” love. This one is the hot spot of all relationships. The most memorable and fun, romantic and blissful. It’s the one where you can’t entangle your hands away from each other and you’re not particularly doing anything but constantly attached to the hip.

I try to be romantic every once in a while even though I dream of romanticism every day. But the one I remember most in this type of love was with a dear friend. Our emotions and experiences were constantly challenged and heightened with each new experience because everything was so new both of us. There’s tingling just by locking eyes even though you aren’t kissing, your smile feels like it’s hooked up onto your ears and you can’t help it because everything that your eyes see feels like a dream and feels so surreal, his small touch on your hair sends shivers down your spine — it’s just unbelievable. I don’t know if it was because I was young and naive or because this was the first time in everything, but you get hooked like a drug, wishing you’ll never come back to reality.

Ludus: a love that is played as a game or sport; think conquest. Toying with someone’s emotions and playing them for sport, thinking of conquest, is WRONG. You can’t conquer over someone. Sure, you could dominate, heck, it could even potentially be called a game even in the idea of thinking of the whole relationship concept as a “dating game.” That’s as far and close as I have ever gotten my hands dirty in the thrilling idea of the “chase” in pursuit of gaining someone’s heart driven from my true feelings.

Storge: an affectionate love that slowly develops from friendship, based on similarity. This love is everybody’s sappy first love. It’s the story we all know and always talk about. You either learn from it or get real hurt by it. It’s tough love falling for a close friend. My advice, the relationships you make from friends are best from friendships with long histories because even if it doesn’t work out in the end, the friendship may still take a toll but will eventually come back with some leeway because of the friendship history to come back on. Short term friendships don’t work so hot in these areas.

Pragma: love that is driven by the head, not the heart. This is a problem area for me because I feel that since I’m very calculative, I’m always in this area in the scheme of beginning relationships. I can’t help myself to plan out the ideas and see prospects of what could happen. I watch out for my own back too many times that I missed out on great opportunities. No one feels romantic by someone who uses their heads too much in a heart-filled place. As a woman, I’ve learned that it’s okay to be strong, but every once in a while, you need to lean on your man and trust him in order for things to come into perspective.

Mania: obsessive love; experiencing great emotional highs and lows, also being very possessive and often jealous lovers. I can confidently say that I have never been possessive over my boyfriend. Sure, I have been jealous a couple times but I have never obsessed over him to the point where I would want to control him. That’s ridiculous. But, I have had boyfriends that had a mania love towards me where they were extremely over-protective of who I meet and where I go. I can think of two exes that fit this category perfectly solely on behavior and mental analysis.

Of the two, there was one that was a fine boyfriend all-around, but he was indeed the type that goes bonkers and just mad hare crazy when he can’t reach me. I remember one time, I was at some meeting with a couple of friends and I had my phone on vibrate in my purse and didn’t know he was calling. I had already told him where I would be but he called to reach me nonetheless. By the time the meeting was over (which was about 2 hours), I found myself with about 30 missed calls and equally 30 voicemail messages. He was the type that even though he knows where I would be, since he’s not there with me, he HAS to find out and know I’m okay and safe. Possessive much? A little bit. Controlling? Not really. But SUPER-OMEGA-OVERPROTECTIVE.

Lastly, Agape: a selfless altruistic love, like spiritual. To love someone that transcends all other meanings of love and bring out an emotional and spiritually connection of bondage between me and my literal, soul-mate — has not happened yet. This is the type of love that I am still direly searching for. I have found this type of love that I share with God, and I feel that it only exists exponentially with a deity. We as humans have too many driven feelings of joy, sadness, jealousy and fear that I don’t believe we can love another human being such selflessly. I’m sure the meaning is different between married couples, and of course a parent to a child. There is a special bond of love there and I’m sure we can love unconditionally, but to connect to a spiritual level of selfless altruistic love without any personal selfishness — I feel, among humans, seems close to impossible.

Unspoken Heart

What do you do when you’re the matchmaker and you fall in love with the person you’re supposed to be helping for the set-up? Here’s a corny yet cute video sharing one matchmaker’s love story. Along with the lyrics that create the perfect mood for the film is the song, “Unspoken Heart” sung by Status Single. Having a hard time spitting it out? Check this out and see if it helps, enjoy! 😀

Apologue #45: Back to Christmas Mode

Brrr~ the weather outside is frightful! And I LOVE it! I’m telling you that I couldn’t be happier. I just got out of a steaming, hot shower — got myself a nice cup of lemon honey tea — and I’m bundled up and ready to cuddle (happily with my laptop, of course, and bust out some leftover Christmas movies I didn’t get to watch over the holiday season).

My mother is nagging again about me being single for too long. Let me note that relationship-wise, I have been single for one year — but dating-around/mingling-wise, it’s been about two or three months (which isn’t too bad). The reason she got all naggy again is because it’s cold outside and she remarked how pitiful it was that I don’t have someone to cuddle with (big whoop). I got my trusty laptop and bundles to bundles of fuzzy blankets to keep me nice and toasty as I watch my movies, thank you very much.

Sure, it would be nice if I had someone special to cuddle with and drink tea and just lazy around home and watch movies with, but eh, it’s not like I can’t do these things alone. I mean, there’s no candlelight steak dinners awaiting or me decking out in a negligee, no sirree, just me, myself and three layers of pajamas. I’m just praying that all my pipes freeze over tonight so work may possibly be cancelled; I’m such the responsible adult.

I’m contemplating whether I should watch a holiday romantic comedy or just have a typical movie night. My weekly movie night is always on Wednesdays, a midweek rest day if you will. I call it, “Wacky Wednesday Movie Mania!” I don’t care what my future boyfriend, fiance, husband says — I’m keeping this tradition alive. Anyways, I’m always up for suggestions on any great movie titles, as well, I’m quite the film mania.

Well, this certainly was an unconventionally nonsensical albeit random post . . .

Apologue #44: Timing is a Bitch



Kids, your old Aunt Robin knew exactly what she was talking about. Timing sure is a bitch. It’s as if the heavens didn’t have enough to gloat and laugh about from our own daily miseries and decided to add the concept of “perfect timing” as the tip of the iceberg in trying to ruin our decent lives — correction, relationships.

This is the story about how I was once engaged to a wonderful man named Zachery and how horrible our timing was. Zachery proposed during the spring semester of my freshman year in college. Yup, fresh out of high school but fresh into college — what a genius we both were.

It was a time when we were too young and naive to know anything better. Our youthful hearts got in the way of everything and we truly believed that love will solve all our problems. But in all seriousness, we actually planned it out and thought it was a good time. We weren’t that stupid. It just seems those times were ignorant now that I’m wiser and older, or whatever I am now.

I was a freshman starting my pre-med program and he was seven years older and working on his Ph.D towards electrical engineering. We were two nerds in a pod. And frankly, it didn’t bother us much. We’ve already been together for almost two years so school was already much part of our lives. We were just happy to be in the same school together.

We as a couple didn’t do much when it came to the romantic essence of things. We studied, ate, and fell asleep on desks most of the time. He and I were both new to the town and starting fresh, so we didn’t have much friends to hang out either. But it was okay, we pretty much felt married anyways, nagging and all.

After accepting the proposal and planning the wedding we tried to be logical and realistic to the best that we could. We knew each other too well and we both knew that as much as we wanted to be married, the now aspect of things wasn’t a good time. We decided that there really is no use rushing and being the considerate gentleman he was, he knew I needed lots of time to pull off my dream wedding. So, we decided to get married after I graduate from college — he was willing to wait 3+ years for me.

There was never a trace of guilt for having to wait on each other for that long. I wanted to finish school first and at least try and find a decent job and he agreed. He wanted to get most of his program done too before having to worry about marriage life. We managed to be negotiable and understanding as best as we could.

It sounds all good up to here. He was perfect and I was dandy. But time — never holds still for anybody. It wasn’t long, probably half a year, when he started asking funny questions, such as, if I could graduate earlier, what kind of career path I’m looking into, where would I likely want to live, etc. Then he started asking if there was any chance of moving the wedding to an earlier date. I don’t know why, but I started seeing red flags everywhere and I couldn’t explain to myself, why I would in the first place.

I really loved Zachery, I really did. I really wanted to marry him, I truly did. But it scared me to death every time he brought up the topic of bringing up the wedding sooner.

It wasn’t until one day, he went out of town with a couple of friends for some man-time, when he suddenly to call. Naturally, I figured that it was a call about him hitting the road soon or to not wait up. He called to tell me what a great time he was having with the boys and of course, he’d be late but to also check the text he’ll be sending after we hang up. Sure enough, a picture text came and behold, it was a photo of some house. It was extremely beautiful and mesmerizing until I see his text that reads, “I found our dream house. Should we buy?”

I didn’t think he was serious so I brushed it off until he the next day when he asked how I liked the house again. I exclaimed how beautiful it was and asked how’d he find it, but in all seriousness, he asked again if we should buy. I was dead in my tracks. I couldn’t breathe a word to him. I just blankly stared not knowing what to say. I was like a deer in headlights.

He then started raving about how the house is perfect in his ever so excitable voice, and how the city is right in the middle of his parent’s place and my parent’s place so the drive on both sides wouldn’t be too long and unbearable. He then started saying it’s a good time to go ahead and buy it now if we like it so much and then we can move right in without having newlywed troubles of finding a place to go. And he was convincing me that he knew that as soon as he saw the house, he knew that I would love it because it looks exactly like the ones I used to describe on the top of my head on how the porch looks like, or what color it was, or how big the driveway would be.

Zachery really was a great man, and enthusiastic at that. I felt really guilty but it just wasn’t the right time. Rushing everything made me feel as if everything in my future was already predestined because he was taking full control of everything. I didn’t feel happy but more panicky and full of stress and anxiety. I wasn’t relieved that he was being assertive and actually doing something and planning a life for us. It may sound selfish, but this is our life we would be spending together until we die, why weren’t we doing this together? And why on earth is he suddenly rushing when he promised he could wait? What possibly changed?

I tried to persuade him the best that I could that buying the house now isn’t the smart thing to do. We wouldn’t know if that city is where we would be 2-3 years from now after we graduate. We wouldn’t know if we would be able to find good jobs that we like in that city. We just wouldn’t know of anything that could possibly happen that could deter our futures.

Zachery, of course, didn’t buy any of that. He went on full macho-man-mode and started going off, “If we’re going to get married anyway, why not sooner so we have more time together?” or “Are you having doubts about this marriage?” or my ultimate favorite, “Do you not love me anymore?”

In the end, without my consent, he bought the house. I believe that he still owns the house but whether he still resides there is unbeknownst to me since it has already been years since we broke up and ended all forms of contact. But when we did break up, not even two days later, he resigned from his workplace, gave up on his degree program, packed up and moved into that house.

As much I know how much (or maybe not so since I am not him) pain that I inflicted upon him, it hurt me too, how much I had hurt him and literally broke him. As much as I wanted to be honest and tell him how afraid I was on the rush, or how I wasn’t ready as he was about this kind of commitment, maybe we could have found an understanding, I will never know.

Maybe if we had met later in life, it would’ve been better and not end like this. Maybe if we had fallen in love later, much later — after we became good friends, I wouldn’t have lost him forever. Maybe if I was stronger and not so emotionally weak and tested, maybe if I was wiser and older and knew what was right and wrong and be able to say it — he’d still be my life and not an empty hole from my past.

I blame it on timing. I really do. I’ll be dead honest when I say that I’d be lying if there weren’t drops of insecurities and hairs of commitment-phobias, but the timing wasn’t right for the two of us to make those kinds of great decisions at such a young age. I wouldn’t have been able to even drink a toast to wine on my own wedding for crying out loud if I had fallen through and gotten married earlier than planned. But of course, who knows if I’d have ended up happy with three kids on my lap by now as I write on my blog.

Nonetheless, as much as I cared for and loved Zachery with all my heart, having that ounce of doubt and dodging red flags meant something, and I probably still would have made the same decision if I had to relive that moment again. I’ll be honest when I confess that I believe I won’t meet a man like him ever again. He’s indeed very special.

Just wish that timing would have thought so as well.

The New Chivalry

“Matt and Julie got married last week, and when the time came for the garter to be removed, Matt did something unexpected. As Julie sat in her chair, Matt approached her with a water basin and a towel. With perfect tenderness, he humbled himself and made a beautiful gesture of his service to her.”

Pianist Bride

I’m not a professional pianist, far from it actually — but the piano has always been a great part of my life. It surely is a heartfelt hobby and I try to practice every day so I’ll never forget anything that I’ve taught myself. I first learned how to play when I was four years old, so you can just imagine how much the piano means to me.

Anyways, I found this gorgeous bridal picture whilst surfing the net of wedding photos and fell in love with this one. It’s absolutely vintage and adoring. I can’t stop staring at it with my mouth open. This is must-do whenever I get my bridal pictures done. Classy and romantic! A true romantist’s style in achieving the perfect look. Don’t you think?

Swinging Cats Wedding Dance


Ryan and Frankie van Horn kick off their wedding reception with a perfectly classy — perfectly sassy — swing dance performance to Benny Goodman’s “Sing Sing Sing.” Their dance is so uniquely prepared that you can’t help smiling throughout the entire performance. Makes me miss my swing dancing frenzy days (note to self: pick up swing dancing again). What a fun way to jazz up the first dance. Enjoy! 🙂

Titanic’s Isidor and Ida Straus

I’m sure everyone has seen the movie, “Titanic” at least a good dozen times in their lifetime. If the history behind the tragedy didn’t get your fancy, we all knew that our heartthrob sensation of Leo DiCaprio was good eye candy during the film. Before the sinking of the ship, there are two scenes that have always captured my heart and has made me cry so many tears. The first scene is where the string quartet stays behind to perform their hymn till their last breath, and the second scene is of the elderly couple that hold tight to each other on their deathbed as the ocean waters slowly start filling up their room.

It so happens though, that these two were supposedly based on a real couple, who said they wouldn’t board a lifeboat as long as there were younger people still aboard the ship.

Meet Isidor and Ida Straus. Records state that the couple had been married for 41 years at the time of the disaster. They raised six children together, and were almost inseparable. On the rare occasion that they were apart, they wrote to each other every day.

During the sinking, Titanic’s officers and other first class members pleaded with the 63 year old Ida to board a lifeboat and escape the disaster, but she repeatedly refused to leave her husband behind. Although Isidor was offered a seat in a lifeboat to accompany Ida, he strongly refused whilst there were still women and children on board.

Ida then, placed her newly hired maid (Ellen Bird) in a lifeboat, taking her fur coat off and and handing it to the maid to shield her from the cold noting that she no longer needed it. Ida is reported to have said, “I will not be separated from my husband. As we have lived, so will we die, together.” When last seen by witnesses, the couple were standing on deck, holding each other in a tight embrace accepting their fates together.

Isidor’s body was recovered but the funeral service was delayed for a few days in hopes that Ida’s body may too, be recovered, allowing the two who had lived and died together to also share a funeral — but sadly, Ida’s body was never found. Several days later, their funeral drew some 20,000 mourners at Carnegie Hall. A monument to them still stands at Woodlawn Cemetery in the Bronx, with the inscription from Song of Solomon 8:7 that quotes: “Many waters cannot quench love — neither can the floods drown it.”