Love Quote #4: “All a Girl Really Wants . . . “


Our leading lady couldn’t have stated it any better than the crystal clear obvious. We’re not asking for the whole world, we’re not asking for the entirety of the male species to change, just ONE to prove apart from the others. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, but men these days seem like they’re all reading out of the same dating manual. I’m sure us girls aren’t picture perfect in the eyes of our suitors (and I know many women that just drive me up the wall) so I know we’re not perfect either but I think (and this is entirely me, I’m no speaker for the behalf of my gender) that women have the tendency to lean towards assurance when it comes picking the right person. Sometimes, we just don’t know what’s good for us even though it is smiling and looking right at us. I’m not saying we’re dense, but we tend to lean towards “signs” and some kind of proof that the man in front of us is someone trustworthy and worthwhile.

I believe this tendency derives from our emotional part more-so than our rational part in our persona. Maybe this is why men are intuitive but women are instinctive. Men know right off the bat what they want and what they are looking for (note that I say “men” not “boys”) when it comes to soul-searching but women look out for some kind of universal signpost to give us the get-go before starting a relationship. I feel that we look for signs no matter what choice of man as long as there is someone in front of us. When we find someone that’s probably not good for us at all, we start looking for signs indicating that it’s still okay to date a bad boy and that destiny may still have something great in store for us. We still look for signs even when the man is too good for us thinking that this is too good to be true and that we need some sort of explanation from fate.

I don’t know anything about fate or destiny partly because it’s a young person’s game. I admit that I used to be a strong believer of destiny (and maybe I still try to even now) but my turn of events lead me to believe otherwise but I do still lean towards assurances. I too, like most women, have huge trust issues when it comes to putting faith on our male counterpart. So my faith becomes entrusted through the proof the man can give me when we have a relationship together. This, of course, is never pushed onto the man from me; I guess this is the part where I say I put “fate” up against the game to help me get proof from him from his own accord.

But I will note in saying that I haven’t been in many relationships but I have dated many men, and ALL were very exceptional men. There are instances where the relationship, itself, may have not been good, but the person behind it were all wonderful. I have many wonderful experiences because of the encounters I have had with these men. Although they may all share similar tactics when it comes to wooing a woman, their wits and charm to prove they were different from others were indeed, all personalized and indifferent from each other. Of course, I haven’t met someone yet who has wooed me successfully in showing they were the “One,” but the men out there are trying to prove just that to each woman they believe is worth the cause. With that ease of mind, I still play strong in the dating game.

Apologue #15: Fester Chester

Oh lord, we are all Fester.

Before asking someone out we all get anxiety attacks and start panicking to know if what we’re doing is the right thing at the right time, and this part with Fester couldn’t have summed up my feelings any better. I’ve had the gutsy-ness to ask a nice gentleman out once last year. We have been flirting back and forth for months but he would never officially ask me out due to whatever unknown fears or problems he had and so I did, for him. It was funny because we were already having a small coffee date together and just enjoying each other’s company and I don’t know what came over me. It could have been the caffeine or maybe the fact that my patience was running dry, I literally just spat it out with confidence that I have no idea where it came from and said (I kid you not), “You should go out on a date with me some time. I guarantee you that you won’t regret it.” and flashed him a silly smile awaiting his response. Guarantee? Where did that come from? Oh my goodness . . .

I know his answer wasn’t delayed for too long but after his small laughter from spitting out his coffee from the sudden shock and actually responding back, those small seconds until I got the okay felt like hours. After I asked him out my mind was out of control and I was sitting there smiling with a smile that felt like it’s been screwed on by a bolt, and I’m screaming on the inside – yelling at myself – “What the hell was that and where did it come from? Oh my goodness, I’m not this kind of woman, what is he going to think of me? This is so embarrassing, should I laugh and say it was a joke?” I’m telling you, I wasn’t even thinking about whether he would say yes or no, but dreading how everything will unfold and if we could even be on talking premises after this awkward situation. I could already feel my heart-rate elevating as my chest was heaving heavy intakes of breath and I could feel my cheeks flushing to the color of ripe tomatoes from the heat I was already feeling.

I was fortunate enough though, that the man was indeed interested in me at the least, and so gave me a thumbs up and we were planning out our first real date. But even during our date I was so nervous. I felt so empowered and devilish when I literally spit out that he wasn’t going to regret going out with me (I don’t even know where that bit came from!) that I was even more cautious and trying hard to be excitable so it would feel that his time with me was worthwhile.

If I was providing him with the good time that I promised with him of not regretting this time we are sharing together in order to develop closer feelings to one another, that is always the best case scenario. But what if I’m trying and he doesn’t see eye-to-eye with me and so it really does turn out to be a wasteful date but also a sour one to joke about to his other male friends? I was letting this one date get too out of hand in determining his happiness and satisfaction of what he’ll gain through me. And that’s not what dates are about.

Little to my surprise, as nervous of a wreck I may have looked, Liam was the perfect gentleman that planned out everything for our evening together. I may have scored the first hard goal by asking him out but he made sure to play hard to make up for not asking me out sooner and took the game-play back to his side of the court. But nonetheless, I was nervous throughout.

So, it’s not an embarrassment to feel like Fester when it comes to asking someone out. The fear of the person saying no versus the bigger fear of the person saying yes is all good fun when you look back on it. It’s not just you, your date will probably be having this exact same Fester Chester attacks as well. So never forget, that we all have a little Fester inside of us and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Apologue #14: Quit Playing Games with My Heart


Yes, please. Give it back to the poor girl. It’s definitely not something to toy with . . .

Sadly enough to say, as I have been watching this gif for the past 30 minutes, no one comes to mind on who has ever “stolen my heart.” I have been privileged enough falling in love with a couple of men in my life, but none who purposely played around with me or shook me up so much that I couldn’t think straight. I’ve had the usual “Date Special” with the rapid heartbeats that make it hard for you to breathe and the fluttering butterflies with the side of nervous wreck stiffness. But I really don’t think anyone stole my heart and has played around with it to mess me up.

Not that that’s a bad thing, but when I look at myself and see that I’ve never really had someone that has caught my heart before, it makes me wonder if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. I feel good in the sense that no one looked at my lightly in order to screw me over, but I also feel bad thinking that maybe I’ve never really had the love that others have with the shocking pink hearts popping out of your eyes, flying on top of cloud nine, kind of love.

I am one of those people that don’t open their hearts easily to people in general. I am nice to everyone, but trusting you and getting to know you and creating a friendship bond comes in steps and doesn’t happen instantaneously with me. So you can imagine, how long I have to get to know you and trust you in order to like you, then fall in love with you and get to the point of “oh my gosh, I can’t live without you” phase (which is usually – never . . . sadly).

Maybe I’m too guarded with my feelings and emotions because of so much pain and suffering I’ve had to deal with in my past relationships that even when a player comes along to play with my heart, they see how wretched I am that they don’t dare come close. Or maybe I’m like a mother lion guarding her cub (aka my heart) so heavily that no predator can come to harm it. I think when it comes down to evaluating yourself and why you are emotional to a certain level or why you have certain experiences in relationships, is a difficult weight of scaling on your shoulders because we want to be able to look at ourselves and be proud and prideful of who we are but at the same time we can’t help but also bum out and lose confidence when we’re not the person we want ourselves to be.

At times like these, I want to ask my past admirers what caught their eye when they saw me at first glance. Why they liked the person that I am or what made them have the drive to start a relationship with me. It’s evaluations like these that I feel can be quite helpful in reflecting yourself to see in the eyes of someone who once loved you, and to see just what kind of girlfriend you were, what kind of woman you were, what kind of lover you were . . .

Now I’m beginning to wonder if I had ever toyed with someone’s heart . . . this certainly is an interesting turn of events. Another reflection of what kind of girlfriend I was once, ha! I don’t believe that I come anywhere close as the guy running around with the little girl’s heart and smiling as she tries to get her heart back, but who knows if I was always an angel or a devil within my past loves?

But that sounds like another story for next time.

Apologue #13: Sexy Pudding

       

       

       

I have got to say that this is by far the most interesting and sexiest pudding I have seen yet! Bachelor friends, if you ever let me host or ask me for help on your food menu, I’ve got your back because this is perfection for any ensemble at a bachelor party. Check out the link below to see the video the creator has made to show you the whole process of the idea 😀

Apologue #11: Heart-Mate


When it comes down to believing in soul-mates, I’m not an affirmative believer on just one soul-mate. I believe that there are many people that can touch our lives and souls and can be a soul-mate. It could be a parent, a best friend, and even a lover. When I was younger, I used to believe in fate and destiny and counting down the days until I too, can finally meet my soul-mate who will be with me forever. As I’ve gotten older and coming face-to-face with the harsh realities of the dating game, my thoughts on the love that connects to the soul-mate has indefinitely been severed. Don’t get me wrong, I still do believe, it’s just that I believe it to be more of different forms of love, not just romantic.

I have few friends that I believe to be are my soul-mates. Friends that have been with me through thick and thin. Friends that know of my deepest and darkest secrets. Friends that will never judge me and friends that will never leave me no matter what the circumstances. I have come to meet more people that love me and protect me that are soul-mates bonded by friendship than that of soul-mates bonded by love. Ironic how that worked out. Maybe that’s why they’re called soul-mates. Maybe it’s named after the people that not just touch our souls but help us to live life the way we should when we deter and fall off the road. Maybe it’s the people that give us hope when we lose our own.

I received an e-mail from a dear friend of mine a few days ago. She’s one of those people that have many names in your life. She’s a friend, a past co-worker, a soul-mate, a second mother – she’s everything good wrapped up into one package. Danielle just turned 65 and is just the sweetest person you’d ever meet, and she mentioned a word that stuck on me the minute I read it. Heart-Mate. She used that word about her husband that’s she’s been happily married to for forty years or so and I really like how she describes her special someone. She was telling me that it’s not just the soul that has to connect but the heart first before anything else can be achieved. That’s why she believes that a Heart-Mate is so special and hard to find because not everyone that you fall in love with can really understand who you are and what you’re made to do. She also believes it’s very rare because we normally don’t open our hearts to generally every person that comes our way during the dating game. We protect our hearts and keep it heavily guarded that sometimes, we believe that we did open the gates, flooding our emotions into relationships but the truth is, we rarely do anymore because we’re afraid of getting hurt and emotionally-scarred. I do admit that my heart is heavily guarded and well-protected, not any man – no matter how persistent – will easily be able to break down my walls. Which I can understand better of it being rare and extra special when the right person comes along. Danielle is very lucky to have found her Heart-Mate in literally “love at first sight.” She told me one time, how the minute she saw her husband, she just knew he was the one for her. Not all of us are just that privileged. Maybe times were simpler back then.

Whatever the case, the word has stuck on and I’m going on a hunt for it. Maybe this is the reason why I don’t believe in the romantic-sense of soul-mates. I’m sure that others can argue that a Heart-Mate couldn’t be any different, but for now, I need a little hope and something to believe in so maybe a little bit of more dreaming wouldn’t hurt me so much.

Where are you, my Heart-Mate?

Apologue #10: You Look Real Good in Purple

He says I look good in purple
As he give me a thumbs up and leaves for the night
He says I need to watch Thor
Because I can’t come to really appreciate Marvel at its silent best
Plus it just happens to be his favorite movie and wants it to be mine too before we can go see the new sequel

He says he loves it when my hair is straight
But my natural curls always gets his fingers to want to entwine and play with them
He says he loves a girl with some meat on her bones
And isn’t just saying it to make me feel better about myself
But really appreciates that true women all have curves and isn’t afraid to admit that he likes to hold on to something when we hold each other close

He says that he wants something greater
As he talks about past relationships and failed commitments
He says that he wants us to be together
Because he can see the greatness that we can be combined as one
Compared to just a lonely one of two separate existences

He says however that he doesn’t want to get married
And doesn’t want kids and commitments to tie him down too tight
Although he already has two and another woman waiting for him to come down his pedestal
As I listen to him saying that she’s just his past and I’m his new future
As he still ravishes me in words that sound so flawless but gets me uncertain

But at the end of the day as our time comes to a close
And I’m here in front of him and he looks me real close
He still surprises me when I look up and think he’s not looking
But he is and I still feel a flutter as he smiles and he says
You look real good in purple

love o’clock

Apologue #9: “I’m Hopeless and Awkward and Desperate for Love!”

              

              

              

Hello, I’m Chandler Bing. It’s actually pretty funny because I believe I am the female counterpart of my favorite Friends sitcom character. I even took one of those online quizzes one time to see “Which character are you on Friends?” and I got him too (funny how they asked for your sex but I still got a dude. Meh.) And here I was thinking I was a Monica 😀

But the more I look into Chandler, the more I feel that we are all awkward and desperate when it comes to love. Especially me. Sometimes I really wonder if I choose to be single or if I’m single because I’m quirky and weird and people find that . . . weird? Haha, nonetheless, at least I am happy with my situation and I’m not wondering aimlessly flirting with every male that comes in my view. But I do have a part of me that can be needy, that can be lonely, and let’s face it, desperate.

But you know, at the end of the day, it all comes down to owning up to yourself and really getting to know who exactly you are and feeling comfortable with it. It’s all about loving yourself for whoever you are, no matter how awkward or needy you may be, and admitting to yourself who you are in order to face all the other competitors out there in the dating field. The sooner you’re able to accept yourself, the sooner others will be able to see the real you and come forward to get to know you too.

So here’s to the hopeless, awkward, and desperate in all of us! Huzzah! 🙂

Love Quote #3: “Don’t Go with the Better Guy. Go with the Guy that Makes You Better.”


Hahaha!! This isn’t some trick question, it’s the honest truth. Why stick around someone that pushes you around or makes you feel smaller each day. It’s a surprise how most people sometimes really don’t know what they are looking for in relationships and it shocks me to the core. Just because there is a guy who will ravish you in riches and fantasies beyond your imagination, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you will achieve happiness with him. But, let me also state that the guy in rags that you think will bring you happiness because he’s so sweet and caring isn’t going to give you ultimate joy in life either. There, I’ve done and said it.

I may get some hate from this but I don’t care, I’m going to be honest. I’m not talking about love triangles when it comes to picking which side is better for you, I’m going to go one step further and kick some women in the behind because sometimes we just need to hear it. Rebound.

What does rebound have anything to do with this? Let me enlighten you, my dear friends as to a perfect example that happened to me today. I got a text at work today from my friend, Zoey. Zoey is a good friend but sometimes she can crawl into your hair and it’s not that pretty. She’s definitely one of those friends you keep in touch with every once in a while to be in good graces with each other. Anywho, Zoey has been going through a rough dry spell when it comes to finding a good guy to date. She’s been in the “Why won’t men love me? Am I ugly? Am I not appealing to the male sex?” phase for as long as I can remember. Even though her self-esteem is low, her optimism is what keeps her going. I don’t know where she gets the energy to keep trying. She’s generally the hopeful type which is why she’s been so persistent as well. Anyways, I’ve been telling her not to try so hard but the girl just would not listen and had to learn everything the hard way many times over. No matter how many times you warn her, it never gets through. She’s that kind of gal, a gal that NEVER listens to her girlfriends (then again, who does?)

So, when Zoey texted, I was enlightened when she told me that she has finally found a good man in her life and is seeing him. Officially? I have no clue. I have no Facebook so I can’t check if it’s Facebook-approved yet. Nonetheless, I am shocked because just a week and a half ago, she was moping around about a guy that she really thought was good for her too and she had “strong feelings it was going to work out soon.” So when Random Guy #2 shows up on my text, I can’t help but feel a little appalled at this whole situation.

Random Guy #1 was kind of her back-up guy. They have been friends for a long time and even occasionally dated. Zoey has always had a soft spot for him and when their feelings were rekindled as of late, she thought that finally the right time has come so she was going to go for it. When she did go for it, he disregarded her feelings and went on about how he wants to concentrate on work for now and has no time for relationships (but he clearly intended to get some action, if no strings were attached). But poor girl couldn’t see that no matter how many times I had warned her. Why is it that no one actually listens to us? We just want what’s good for you, dammit! That’s what friends do!

Anyways, after moping about him, you can’t help but see how surprised I was about Random Guy #2 who literally popped up like a daisy, not even two weeks after the mothership went down. Zoey was ecstatic and wanted to tell me everything about how he’s so gentle and caring. Not to forget innocent and pure because he was also six years younger than her. Wow. I mentioned that six years younger was younger than me but that didn’t bother her as long as he appreciated her.

In this case, this quote goes perfectly towards her because she did go for the guy that was better for her. She made her choice in going after the guy that cared for her well-being, respected her and appreciated her compared to Random Guy #1 that was being a jerk and didn’t want anything more than probably a couple of booty calls. But you know, as much as this makes sense, I can’t help but feel a little worried more for Random Guy #2 than Zoey. Random Guy #2 has no idea what she’s been going through these past couple years trying desperately to find a decent guy. He doesn’t know how many jerks had turned her insides out and in all honestly, he doesn’t know anything about her. Zoey on the other hand is such a chatterbox. She will talk about all things in her life that isn’t necessary but will because she feels that you should know them since now you’re a part of her life. If I know any better, before this week is over, he’ll pretty much know her life and dating history. With this in mind, I can’t help but worry that he’ll soon find out he was rebound material so she can feel better about herself. Sure, she finally snagged a decent guy like she had always wanted. And this person generally does sound like someone who would treat her right. Which is my biggest fear because their “relationship” or their “getting to know each other dating” phase or whatever they’re doing right now, may end shorter than expected and poor Zoey won’t know what hit her.

Relationships like these are always hard. No relationship in fact was made to be easy. We all have our rocky roads and bickering ends. I can’t do anything much but watch from the sidelines as things unravel to the truth beneath. No one likes to find out that they were rebound material. And no one should ever feel that way in any relationship, period. It’s the crappiest feeling in the world to know that you were just there and used to make someone else feel better about themselves. If he really is a deeply caring and understanding of a guy as she says he is, I hope nothing but the best for the both of them. Let’s just hope that this ends up far better than I expect it to be.

Apologue #8: Gold or Fool’s Gold?

James is a recent addition in my not-so-fabulous “crushes” corner. I met him this year back in January and we’ve been very good friends. I guess you can say that he’s one of those people that you just “click” instantaneously. He’s funny and quirky and just like me. I can’t help but love him and be so comfortable around him.

We first met through someone mutual. The guy was someone that used to work for my father but then was being relocated to another site; we’ve only met about two, maybe three times tops. But over those short meetings, he got to know me real fast, and fast enough at that to find a friend that would be in his words, “perfect for me.” He immediately wanted to set up a date but I refused. It felt like a blind date and does anyone actually do those anymore? I wasn’t interested. Besides, I don’t even know THIS guy as well. How can I expect anyone good when I don’t even know the person I’m directly talking with? In the end, the guy left and I thought I wouldn’t see him again but I ran into him just two weeks after. I was out getting a cup of coffee at Starbucks and lo’ and behold, ran into him and his supposed blind date that he wanted me to meet.

Given that I just crawled out of bed only two hours before and I wasn’t in anything presentable, I said I would pass and push it back to another time. I wasn’t looking gross or uncomfortable in what I was wearing but when you’re wearing an over-sized Batman logo tee and some yoga pants with flip flops, it’s just one of those days you need to get your coffee and get out before people start getting in your hair. I didn’t even notice that his friend even walked right up to us to introduce himself because he was waiting all by himself at the table. I really was in no mood to have a chit-chat but my supposed blind date changed my mind when he saw my shirt and said he liked Batman too, and then he starts to unbutton his shirt to reveal he had on a Superman logo shirt under his. Nerdvana. I’ve struck gold.

His smile and his Superman shirt is something I would never forget in my eyes. It’s too cute to pass up. Turns out his friend was right, we were too good for each other. We hit it off straight-away with no problems. We’ve sat together and talked nothing but superheros countless amounts of times, and you know, even though I’m more into fantasy and the supernatural, I really don’t mind because it’s enjoyable to talk about anything with him; even if it’s as stupid as what super power would you have and why.

James is six years older than me but he feels like a friend I grew up with. It’s the strangest thing. I look at him and he seems like an overgrown child. But when I look at him work, he’s diligent and hard-working as all young men should be. When it comes to serious matters, he knows when and how to take control and be firm with his decisions. He’s also such a gentleman – and I don’t mean the ones that open your doors and treats you right, because that’s a given. He’s a gentleman because he was brought up right and knows what is right and wrong in front of his woman.

I’ve seen James work at his workplace and I’ve seen James with his friends. He’s like any typical man when it comes to roughhousing and swigging a few beers talking about the latest football games. When he’s with his friends he likes watching raunchy movies and can trash talk like he grew up in the hood. But when he’s front of me, when he’s talking to me – it’s all gone. It’s like it never exists. At first I was taken aback and kind of shocked at how he can turn off that side of him like a switch. I looked at him as if he had multiple personalities and I would never know which was the real him. But the more I saw him and the more I observed, I came to realize that he’s able to self-control his actions and words very well. That’s nothing to be feared of but more respected. In front of me, he always wants to presentable and a gentleman, there’s nothing wrong with that.

I’ve overheard him and his friends shout and scream curse words in front of the television set as if his living room was the live audience of Jerry Springer. But you know, once I walk into that room, even his friends change into well-behaved men. I don’t know who their mothers are but I want to hug them all for a great job. They all give the cutest smiles and have the silliest faces. Maybe there’s hope after all.

But when I look at James, I can’t help but feel hesitant about diving into a deeper relationship too, just like any men. We may have our quirkiness and share similar tastes in nerdiness but I feel that some of this is too good to be true. What James and I have now is a very open relationship. We’re free to see other people if we wish but we both know we wouldn’t. We’re not committed to one another but if we had to, I’m sure we’d talk about it. So how come it isn’t moving forward? Can relationships actually stand still without advancing? It’s a new question that I’ve been trying to figure out myself these past couple of months. As much as I want to know how he feels about all of this, at the same time I feel that I shouldn’t because we’re really not in that area of relations to be talking about any of this. We’re not friends with benefits or even doing anything in that matter, but we care and spend time with each other every weekend.

Since I first met him in January, there has not been a single weekend that I have spent alone because he always was there. Every weekend we talk of movies or superheros or food. I’m serious when I say that I’ve struck gold. The man actually listens and loves to talk. So why aren’t I doing anything to keep him? Why isn’t he doing anything to keep me? Are we even in the same place, or is this another reason that needs to be added to why I don’t do crushes?

Invention of Love

Hauntingly beautiful. This animation is one of my favorite animated short films that I happened to discover a year ago by chance. I love the unique style that can’t be put into better words but is “steampunk romance.” I love the form of shadow art that created this breathtaking masterpiece. It’s one of those films that you can’t take your eyes off of and don’t mind re-watching over and over again. Enjoy!