The Secret to Intimacy


Love can be broken down into three categories: passion, intimacy, and commitment. But what comes first and what leads to what? If you can’t choose to be intimate with someone, how can you make sure it sticks around? In this video you will meet real couples and investigate the secret behind intimacy. Just wanted to share up on a random albeit interesting video I just happened to find today. Enjoy 🙂

You Have My Heart

“I got this tattoo a couple days before my wedding. My boyfriend, at the time, wrote me a hand-written note on our anniversary that said, ‘You have my heart.’ The first time he ever saw this tattoo was when I met him at the alter. The look on his face will never leave my mind.”

Apologue #50: Ignorance is the Best Policy

THIS IS A RANT POST AND YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Okay, having this established that I’ll be rambling, this is something that boils me over every single time even when, I too, am a woman. It’s just that some girls baffle me to the point where I think my brain is on the verge of exploding. This has nothing to do with age, whether you know the right facts, or what you think is the best choice for yourself because you can’t make the right decisions if you have NO  COMMON SENSE.

I have experience in teaching safe sex education not just to youths and teenagers but adults too. Having been a peer counselor, I am very comfortable in talking about any areas that people have questions about when it comes to relationships and sex, contraceptives and STDs, as well as trauma cases. I actually encourage people to always ask me questions if there are any gray areas or if they are confused about anything (and I mean, ANYTHING). And I have done this long enough to not judge people in whatever problems they bring me. My priority as a counselor and educator, is to always help you first.

BUT, let me just note the fact, that it will tick me off quite a few times, when I tell you to be straightforward with me and encourage you to be honest, but you wait too long until after the problem has happened and thus creating a even bigger problem, and THEN you still want me to help you fix it. I still won’t judge you but I will be very disappointed and upset with you. This kind of irresponsible behavior, acting like headless chickens or off-the-wall hormonal teenagers, will indeed, make me want to rip your head off. Why ask for help now after the aftermath when these have now become your consequences? Do you not know it’s just that much harder to help you now? And you wonder why therapists have high levels of stress.

To explain my rants better, today was just one of those days. A friend (I know!) was scared that she might be pregnant with her boyfriend’s baby and she didn’t know what to do about it. Now, having said that, she was asking for help and I was more than willing to be with her every step of the way. It wasn’t until I got curious to ask just how they’be been managing their sex life when she got so scared from “possibly” being pregnant.

Surprise, surprise. No knowledge of safe sex. No knowledge of contraceptives, even off the counter medications. No knowledge of even understanding and knowing how sex should feel. But the scariest fact of them all, is that she has had other sexual partners before yet she still didn’t know anything remotely basic. She’s been living a life of disarray without any knowledge about taking better care of herself and her body. Seriously? SERIOUSLY?? 

Seriously, you’re in your twenties! How did you live life without knowing any of this vital information? Did your mother never tell you? Did your school never have sex education when you were younger? If no one has ever told you, why did you never ask? You know this is my area of expertise and I’m your friend, why did you not come sooner? If you were too embarrassed, pick up a book. If you don’t know what books to find, my gawd, just Google it. The sources are everywhere. You just did not care.

This may seem like useless ranting, but I’m also stating it because I genuinely care about people and what happens to them. Especially if it was problems that could have been prevented. If you need help, if you have questions, if you need answers, just talk to me. It’s that simple. I will be your confidante. I will help you to the best of my abilities so that I can meet your needs. This obtains to all my followers and people that don’t even follow me. I don’t care. Sex is more serious than we take it for.

I may sound old because of my style of ranting, but I’m young too just like all of you. I’m in my twenties too but I seriously believe that people, young and old, don’t take these matters as serious as they should be. Any questions?

Love Quote #11: The Scariest Thing . . .

The Scariest Thing . . .

It’s crazy scary because this is EXACTLY how I feel right now to the last dot. The person can love me and cherish me and I’d be the happiest person on earth, or break me and curse me and I’ll feel like the most broken anyone has ever felt. It’s ridiculous how we grant so much power to the ones we love but at the same time, don’t calculate the fact how much of that power can be used against us and leave us broken and thrown away like last night’s garbage.

It’s insane because when you think about it, this person that’s in front of you that you’ve been thinking about all day isn’t just there in your head, but in you heart and soul. This person starts creeping into your realm and you start believing that they’re the missing link to your everything and even begin to believe that your existence coincides to their existence.

Just the thought of them make you whistle about through your morning wondering when they’d call next. Your finger itches to check if there were any missed messages or if you should text them first. You look up at the clouds and wonder if they’re looking up at that exact same time too and thinking about you. And as the wind brushes through your hair, you wish it was them sliding their fingers down your hair and it puts a smile to your face just at the thought of it.

It’s scary, I know. Because no one will know just how much this is important to you. No one can feel just how frightening it is that your feelings have ever progressed this far about someone. No one.

Apologue #49: Slooooooow Men

One of my pet peeves when it comes to dating is slow men. You know who you are and what I mean. Men that are indecisive and don’t know what they want. It drives me up the wall. Frankly, it should drive any woman up the wall and bat crazy at that. If you’re just slow and that’s how you date, that’s alright. But if you’re slow whilst still doing all the flirting and talking late into the night bit — I no longer know if you just want some booty or you’re just.that.thick.

Take for example, my college buddy, Theo. Yes, the one who “led” me on but didn’t know because of his lack of relationships. (Click here and read bulletin No.2). Sure he drove me crazy for almost two years of our friendship and yes, I did invest a heck of a lot of time and effort to make him see me for who I am, which of course crashed and burned because he was just.that.slow. It was horrendous. I don’t even like talking about.

Maybe there’s a breed of men that are just supposed to be hard to read or figure out. Maybe they reside in some kind of neutral zone, like Switzerland! between the sexes and that’s why they’re awesome because they are generally, straight heterosexual males but with androgynous features that gives them the ability to still enjoy sports and be macho but also sensitive and talk with you long hours into the night.

When I think about Theo, all I remember are our long phone conversations. This was in college too, so we definitely invested a lot of time that we shouldn’t have if we both knew where this was going, which was a dead end. Each day we awoke to texts from each other and wishing one another a good day. Which then led to texts here in there in between class periods. Then of course instant messaging (ahhh~ the days of AIM) whilst we “study” at home or the library. Then we’d both have a break and eat something and have a little of our own time to ourselves and then end the night with an average of five hours (you heard right, FIVE freaking hours) EACH night as we fall asleep to the sound of our voices and then BAM. It’s morning again and we do it all over again.

I’m not crazy and I kid you not, that’s what I did with him for 2 freaking years and pondering WHEN THE HELL HE’LL STRAP ON HIS BALLS AND ASK ME THE FREAK OUT. Of course, in the end I gave up. Me and my naive self could no longer hold on patiently and I was frustrated to the point where I thought my pride would break. I left without looking back and don’t give him the time any more. He, on the other hand, has no idea what caused the change in our friendship. He’s still single and has always been single. Good riddance.

Isn’t this ridiculously frustrating? What is it? Don’t you really know? It’s not that hard to figure out what you want, right? What are you hiding and calculating for you to take this long? The reason I’m frustrated thinking about this all over again is because I’m yet again in a situation where I am a sitting duck with another Theo. I don’t know why I put through with it again.

Example number two is my dear friend, Ron. You all remember, Ron, my sweetheart. Update on him now is that he’s broken up with said girlfriend a month ago and is single and ready to mingle. He’s single which definitely makes me feel better about not having to worry about shying him away but now we’re talking more than ever again and it’s confusing again. I know I stated before that with him, I should make some more changes and take more chances because I felt like I lost something great when he got himself a girlfriend. But now, months later, that feeling of infinite is gone and I’m back to square one where I was with him.

We still do two to three hour phone conversations and texts along the way. When mentioning the time I’ve been spending on Ron to one of my friends, they were extremely happy of the circumstances but the minute I mentioned if this doesn’t seem all too familiar and pop in Theo’s name, my friend sat there stunned with a worried expression and was silently cursing throughout our conversation. She knows how bad it was and doesn’t want me to endure that all over again. Which I surely hope I don’t make the same mistake of dragging this one on for years into the future. I no longer have the strength.

But really, men. Sometimes I just don’t understand what you’re doing. Even when I know it’s not a booty call and I know you’re not that kind of guy — why on earth are you tormenting not only us, but yourself with this? It’s not just us that’s putting our time and effort on the line. You too, are investing a lot of time for nothing if you don’t make a move. Don’t you realize that the longer you pull this off, the harder it will be for BOTH of us to find ANYONE to date. As OM stated when I asked for advice on this, why on earth would any guy want to date me if I spend three hours into the night talking with another dude no matter how close we are? This applies to you too because I can guarantee you that no future girlfriend will find you cute talking to another woman for three hours just to chitchat. Don’t kid yourself, we’re programmed to be jealous and we will never stop nagging you for it.

So, is it because there’s something blocking you in wanting all of this or are you that slow that you can’t make up your mind? My patience is drying up and I don’t know how much longer I can wait for you no matter how awesome you are and how much I love you for what you mean to me. Sayonara, dude.

I Just Can’t


I’m mad at myself, not you.

I’m mad for always being nice,
always apologizing for things I didn’t do,
for getting attached,
for making you my life,
depending on you,
wasting my time on you,
thinking about you,
forgiving you,
wishing for you,
dreaming of you.

But most of all, for not hating you, which I know I should . . .

But I just can’t.

Apologue #47: Bad Boys Always Win

I honestly don’t know how else to put it, but I speak the truth when I say that the bad boys always win. It’s not because they cheat or play dirty, it’s because we as women find this kind of assertive and aggressive behavior mysteriously attractive and a new wild adventure. Trust me when I say that I always root for the good guy, but sometimes, my heart lingers for the bad and there’s just no way of stopping it.

I honestly don’t know why it happens. You know when you’re sitting in front of a movie and you see everything unfolding and there’s always that one super, sweet guy that loves the girl wholeheartedly and then there’s always that one jerk who lingers with no feelings whatsoever but the girl keeps following him like a lost puppy and loves him no matter what happens? Doesn’t it just drive you nuts?

I see it happen all the time. ALL the time. Not just on the silver screen but in real life. It just drives me crazy because you can already see what’s going to happen and what the girl should do to get her happily ever after, but she just dumps it all down and runs the other direction. So, I got myself to thinking —  what’s that drive, that the bad boys have that makes the girl come to their side?

I’ve never been the type to like rebellious men. I find them a nuisance to handle. Interested in dating a player? Highly not recommended for any lady. So that’s out. Then it must be the fixer-upper! Absolutely not! Now, why would I go on with all of my effort to try and fix something without knowing if it’ll pay off back to me later on? That’s trouble brewing and I don’t have the time.

Honestly, I can ramble for hours about this and it won’t get anywhere closer to the real deal. Everyone has heard all of these reasons. It’s because bad boys are “charismatic,” “rebellious,” it’s “unknown territory that we want to discover” and conquer (did I say that out loud? Not really). There’s lists upon lists that can go on about why we choose them but the truth is — the heart wants, what the heart wants.

Not satisfied? I’ll recap on how I got here. Currently I have been sweet-talking to two really good friends of mine. One is a friend that I’ve lost in touch with for a while but we’re reconnecting again. He’s always been a sweetheart and listens ever so well to everything I say and respects me greatly as a friend and a woman. The other is definitely a heartbreaker. He teases me and makes fun of me, and will never miss an opportunity to make fun of the guys I date saying they’re not even real men yet and are silly boys and does everything to creep under my skin.

That’s it. It’s simple. Going with my movie gut, I should most definitely pick the good guy, right? He’s always listening and sweet to me, and takes good care of my feelings. I know that if I were to date him, he’d treat me real good and I’d get what I deserve. But that’s the thing, I’ll already know how he’ll treat me. There’s no room for surprises or anything new because it’s so predictable, maybe even a tad boring. No matter how good of a girlfriend I would be for him, he’ll always be good. No matter how bad of a girlfriend I would be, he’ll still be good. Kind of painful to think about.

But my heart is already moving towards the jerk. It’s not because he’s unpredictable, I already know he’ll make fun of me even more if I were to say I’m interested in him. He’ll probably make me cry each night because he’s already done it a couple times. He pisses me off and gets me flustering mad when he ignores me and doesn’t text/call back. But at the end of day, he’s already crawled beneath my skin and itched his way to my heart that I can’t hear what my brain is telling me. Painful, again.

I’ve always thought of the girls in the movies that choose the bad guy to be brainless and stupid to ruin their own lives, stripping away their own happiness. Now that I’ve been there, I realize that you can’t stop your heart for beating something that it feels to be right even though you know it’s wrong. You can’t stay away from it.

So why do bad boys always win? Because your heart’s a fool and you let it.

Apologue #44: Timing is a Bitch



Kids, your old Aunt Robin knew exactly what she was talking about. Timing sure is a bitch. It’s as if the heavens didn’t have enough to gloat and laugh about from our own daily miseries and decided to add the concept of “perfect timing” as the tip of the iceberg in trying to ruin our decent lives — correction, relationships.

This is the story about how I was once engaged to a wonderful man named Zachery and how horrible our timing was. Zachery proposed during the spring semester of my freshman year in college. Yup, fresh out of high school but fresh into college — what a genius we both were.

It was a time when we were too young and naive to know anything better. Our youthful hearts got in the way of everything and we truly believed that love will solve all our problems. But in all seriousness, we actually planned it out and thought it was a good time. We weren’t that stupid. It just seems those times were ignorant now that I’m wiser and older, or whatever I am now.

I was a freshman starting my pre-med program and he was seven years older and working on his Ph.D towards electrical engineering. We were two nerds in a pod. And frankly, it didn’t bother us much. We’ve already been together for almost two years so school was already much part of our lives. We were just happy to be in the same school together.

We as a couple didn’t do much when it came to the romantic essence of things. We studied, ate, and fell asleep on desks most of the time. He and I were both new to the town and starting fresh, so we didn’t have much friends to hang out either. But it was okay, we pretty much felt married anyways, nagging and all.

After accepting the proposal and planning the wedding we tried to be logical and realistic to the best that we could. We knew each other too well and we both knew that as much as we wanted to be married, the now aspect of things wasn’t a good time. We decided that there really is no use rushing and being the considerate gentleman he was, he knew I needed lots of time to pull off my dream wedding. So, we decided to get married after I graduate from college — he was willing to wait 3+ years for me.

There was never a trace of guilt for having to wait on each other for that long. I wanted to finish school first and at least try and find a decent job and he agreed. He wanted to get most of his program done too before having to worry about marriage life. We managed to be negotiable and understanding as best as we could.

It sounds all good up to here. He was perfect and I was dandy. But time — never holds still for anybody. It wasn’t long, probably half a year, when he started asking funny questions, such as, if I could graduate earlier, what kind of career path I’m looking into, where would I likely want to live, etc. Then he started asking if there was any chance of moving the wedding to an earlier date. I don’t know why, but I started seeing red flags everywhere and I couldn’t explain to myself, why I would in the first place.

I really loved Zachery, I really did. I really wanted to marry him, I truly did. But it scared me to death every time he brought up the topic of bringing up the wedding sooner.

It wasn’t until one day, he went out of town with a couple of friends for some man-time, when he suddenly to call. Naturally, I figured that it was a call about him hitting the road soon or to not wait up. He called to tell me what a great time he was having with the boys and of course, he’d be late but to also check the text he’ll be sending after we hang up. Sure enough, a picture text came and behold, it was a photo of some house. It was extremely beautiful and mesmerizing until I see his text that reads, “I found our dream house. Should we buy?”

I didn’t think he was serious so I brushed it off until he the next day when he asked how I liked the house again. I exclaimed how beautiful it was and asked how’d he find it, but in all seriousness, he asked again if we should buy. I was dead in my tracks. I couldn’t breathe a word to him. I just blankly stared not knowing what to say. I was like a deer in headlights.

He then started raving about how the house is perfect in his ever so excitable voice, and how the city is right in the middle of his parent’s place and my parent’s place so the drive on both sides wouldn’t be too long and unbearable. He then started saying it’s a good time to go ahead and buy it now if we like it so much and then we can move right in without having newlywed troubles of finding a place to go. And he was convincing me that he knew that as soon as he saw the house, he knew that I would love it because it looks exactly like the ones I used to describe on the top of my head on how the porch looks like, or what color it was, or how big the driveway would be.

Zachery really was a great man, and enthusiastic at that. I felt really guilty but it just wasn’t the right time. Rushing everything made me feel as if everything in my future was already predestined because he was taking full control of everything. I didn’t feel happy but more panicky and full of stress and anxiety. I wasn’t relieved that he was being assertive and actually doing something and planning a life for us. It may sound selfish, but this is our life we would be spending together until we die, why weren’t we doing this together? And why on earth is he suddenly rushing when he promised he could wait? What possibly changed?

I tried to persuade him the best that I could that buying the house now isn’t the smart thing to do. We wouldn’t know if that city is where we would be 2-3 years from now after we graduate. We wouldn’t know if we would be able to find good jobs that we like in that city. We just wouldn’t know of anything that could possibly happen that could deter our futures.

Zachery, of course, didn’t buy any of that. He went on full macho-man-mode and started going off, “If we’re going to get married anyway, why not sooner so we have more time together?” or “Are you having doubts about this marriage?” or my ultimate favorite, “Do you not love me anymore?”

In the end, without my consent, he bought the house. I believe that he still owns the house but whether he still resides there is unbeknownst to me since it has already been years since we broke up and ended all forms of contact. But when we did break up, not even two days later, he resigned from his workplace, gave up on his degree program, packed up and moved into that house.

As much I know how much (or maybe not so since I am not him) pain that I inflicted upon him, it hurt me too, how much I had hurt him and literally broke him. As much as I wanted to be honest and tell him how afraid I was on the rush, or how I wasn’t ready as he was about this kind of commitment, maybe we could have found an understanding, I will never know.

Maybe if we had met later in life, it would’ve been better and not end like this. Maybe if we had fallen in love later, much later — after we became good friends, I wouldn’t have lost him forever. Maybe if I was stronger and not so emotionally weak and tested, maybe if I was wiser and older and knew what was right and wrong and be able to say it — he’d still be my life and not an empty hole from my past.

I blame it on timing. I really do. I’ll be dead honest when I say that I’d be lying if there weren’t drops of insecurities and hairs of commitment-phobias, but the timing wasn’t right for the two of us to make those kinds of great decisions at such a young age. I wouldn’t have been able to even drink a toast to wine on my own wedding for crying out loud if I had fallen through and gotten married earlier than planned. But of course, who knows if I’d have ended up happy with three kids on my lap by now as I write on my blog.

Nonetheless, as much as I cared for and loved Zachery with all my heart, having that ounce of doubt and dodging red flags meant something, and I probably still would have made the same decision if I had to relive that moment again. I’ll be honest when I confess that I believe I won’t meet a man like him ever again. He’s indeed very special.

Just wish that timing would have thought so as well.