Apologue #32: Alpha Dogs & Beta Wolves

One of the many topics that I will never come close to understanding is the mindset of alpha males and beta males. Of course, I’m not going to get into all of that today albeit it is always an interesting debate; but today, I would like to share an interesting perspective I got from James.

To briefly explain the relationship James and I share together, I really can’t say what we have. A friendship is there and that’s a fact. Is there something more? I believe there to be. But we both haven’t pursued anything therefore it’s one of those open-ended relationships. We do meet every weekend to enjoy the company of one another although we haven’t for the past month because I thought it unwise since I clearly believed that I would be the one that may end up losing all hope. Anyways, my lonely counterpart got the best of me as I could probably say the same with him and we met up for a quick brunch earlier today.

I filled him briefly of what has been going on in the past month of my life as did he and our conversation quickly changed to what has been bothering me lately, which happens to be my last apologue. I told him of my weird encounters with my friend, Ron, from this past weekend and how it has been bothering me. James of course, listened wholeheartedly without any interruption and didn’t judge me for my randomness either (he really is such a sweetheart).

But going back to the alphas and the betas, when he asked what kind of guy Ron was, I immediately went straight ahead and said Ron was an obvious beta wolf. Which actually took James by surprise because he genuinely did not understand where that was coming from and asked for an explanation between the differences of alpha dogs and beta wolves and also as to how I categorize men into them respectively.

I shouldn’t have been surprised that this was his first time hearing such descriptions considering when you think how many men will actually look at other men they encounter and start categorizing what kind of male dominance he possesses? None. I really don’t believe I have met any.

After I embarrassingly briefed him of my speculations as to why I categorize men in this fashion he didn’t say much but that he understands where I’m coming from. What surprised me most was how easily he had categorized other men after my influence. I categorized alphas and betas based off of skill, personality, physical looks, and generally how men confront women. James was more direct and said he believes character and self-esteem in men will generally be derive from whether they are a virgin or not.

Interesting, yes. I pondered on that for a moment and then quietly started to close my case because as much as I didn’t want to think about the sexual history of all my male counterparts, I believe his speculation is amazingly right on the dot. I’m sure this doesn’t concern all men but the generality of the format. But interestingly enough, it seems that the characters and personalities that I look for when categorizing these said men, all do come from the ego part of the man and that again, can root down to sexual security.

This is new information and a train of thought I haven’t dived deeply into which I probably would another time but yet again, I’m blown away to James’ cunning and witty train of thought. Can I even call that wit? I don’t know, but the more I meet this man, the more I know I come into dangers for falling for him deeper each time.

Our brunch was cut short after he asked what I thought of him; whether I think of him as an alpha dog or a beta wolf. I really couldn’t say since I see both parts in him. Maybe he’s a real gamma man, I don’t know. I just wish I didn’t hear what he said next about me never leaving again to see Ron because Ron obviously doesn’t know what a catch he’s missing as he smiles with that sly mouth of his. Tempting dog but a clever wolf, that one.

He kept telling me don’t until we said our goodbyes. And you know, I think I just might say yes.

Advertisements

Apologue #31: Creepy Coincidences

Have you ever had signs or coincidences that come across your path when it comes to relationships? Or have you gone searching for them in hopes that it leads you to a more positive light in encouraging your decisions? I’m one of those people that don’t bother too much when it comes to coincidences just because I believe it to be more of situations that were bound to happen. I will admit that I look for signs in guidance to my decision-making skills when it comes to the beginning stages of relationships. But today, the encounters that I had this past weekend are boggling my mind in a disturbing way that I feel that I should write them down in hopes of better understanding what just happened. Here’s my story . . .

I had a spur of the moment, spontaneous four day weekend granted to me by surprise from my boss which I took at first chance and went straight to a mini road trip back to my old college town of my undergrad days. It was the perfect trip to make because I had a friend that was going to get married soon that I really wanted to see and congratulate just because I couldn’t make it to their wedding in January. After spending a good amount of the weekend with the couple, I went ahead and had a brunch date with my good friend, Ron.

I’ve talked about Ron before. He’s the sweet friend of mine that doesn’t believe he is fit to be anyone’s “Prince Charming.” To fully understand what’s been bothering me, I’ll do a quick recap of our friendship relationship. Ron and I have only known each other for a good year and a half but we became close pretty instantaneously. We were in the same department back in University plus we have similar personalities. Our friendship is a great one full of spunk, secrets, and even intimacy.

There were many times when people believed we were dating. We are very comfortable with each other and have even jokingly played the “girlfriend and boyfriend” game just because it’s fun and we’re two lonely single people. Many times we would text and call each other “sweetie” or “babe” as a nickname when starting conversations. We didn’t care, it was all for show.

But I will admit that there have been few circumstances where I had my doubts about this kind of friendship we had. It definitely wasn’t friends with benefits but there was also something indifferent between us. Sometimes, these nicknames seemed real and I was confused of how well Ron would treat me. Our phone conversations were usually at least two hours each time. We frequently had dinner and coffee dates. Our shortest date on record was five hours and our longest has been twelve. And we have had moments where we both have felt and said that we didn’t want to leave each other and just talk (and talk is usually what we did.) Surprisingly, he had a lot to say for a man.

Our talks and heart-to-heart conversations were always bound to just the two of us and I trust him with all my heart. We have great emotional intimacy but never had anything physical. Then I moved away because of a new job and he stayed back. Since my move, I have only visited him twice in this first year I’ve been away. Both times great and intimate but of course only lasts a month or so before we crawl back to our daily lives and we don’t talk for months again.

So, back to my original topic of coincidences, I visited him for a brunch date this weekend and was shocked to find news that he started seeing someone. One week to be exact and I congratulated him for it. I was happy for him because he needed someone good in his life, and him dating has definitely cleared up a lot of what has happened between us until I asked what his new girlfriend was like.

It really shocked me to the core when I found that she has the same name as I do, along with the same age, same background and personality, and when he showed me a picture of her, a very similar facial structure. Like I said, I don’t believe in coincidences but this was really creeping me out. I mentioned how similar her and I were and he just laughed saying I was right and I was given nothing more.

Later, as he was talking about the process in the development of their relationship, I started to notice an emotion of despair in his voice. As much as we were similar, she does have characteristics that are of total opposite to myself and he’s been having trouble in those general areas. He shared how there are some cases where he just can’t understand her and that it’s only been just a week since their relationship started but already he’s been thinking too much and having doubts.

I tried my best to listen and give him the advice any friend would give him. I told him that she was now his priority and he must do his job in appreciating her efforts for him and that he should pay attention and also give her the benefit of the doubt. As much as I can see how much he cares for her, I had inklings of feelings that this wasn’t going to last.

He had also mentioned that he had someone else that he had liked before the start of this current relationship and that was the reason it took him so long to go along with this relationship because he didn’t succeed with the other. It made me wonder if that other person was me.

Hearing about how stressed he is hurts me as a friend. Seeing him as a man in a sudden relationship has definitely shocked me as a woman. Was I jealous of this relationship? Did I have an attraction for Ron but never noticed? Or does he look good now because he’s no longer available? These are questions that are roaming inside my head and I can’t honestly answer.

As he was looking at me for advice and pleading for the right answers in what to do, I did give him advice as I normally would have. He also noted that he may frequently call me up or text me more than usual when in dire need. I made a promise to myself that I probably wouldn’t respond unless it was an emergency. I don’t want to be the cause of what could happen if given the wrong advice. It’s better to avoid these situations altogether just in case one part of me becomes tempted to ruin his relationship so I can obtain him for myself. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself for being the “other woman.”

Am I going overboard with this? Was it all just a trick of how life is full of surprises? Some people may say these cases are synchronizations. That these kinds of things just happen to revolve around our lives consistently but we just now notice them because we want them to give us a reason in doing something about it. I’m really unsure of everything.

Should I do something about it if I feel that I need to? Should I make some changes and take some chances?