This is a story about my ex-boyfriend, Liam. Liam was my boyfriend that I dated on and off for about a year and a half, and a man that I actually asked out, guts and all (check out Apologue #15). Liam was such a gentleman that I couldn’t miss the opportunity of such a fine catch and so did my all in pursuing him. Never in a million years would I have thought that he would be the protagonist of tonight’s tale.
It was Christmas of last year. I had been impatiently waiting on callbacks from my job interviews and had been rampaging around town as a madwoman. I had a feeling that I would be leaving the town I had been residing in and was in high hopes of hearing good news of starting new in an unknown place where no one would know me (I kind of find that mysteriously romantic). With that feeling of leaving town in mind, I had felt bad to Liam, but I wanted to spend my last Christmas with my closest friends.
To explain better, Liam and I had heard wedding bells in the distance and I had figured that he would understand the circumstances considering we would have many more Christmases to come to share together. To me, I felt that this may be the first and last Christmas I would be able to spend with my friends since I’d be moving. Liam, of course, was really upset. We didn’t have anything planned so I thought it would be alright. But Liam was upset nonetheless since Christmastime is all about lovers cuddling by the fire, drinking hot cocoa, and watching holiday classics (he was a gentleman and a romantic!)
I said I was really sorry and that I would make up for it and in the end he said it was alright that I go spend time with my friends for Christmas Eve but Christmas Day, was all his. It was the perfect arrangement. Or so I had thought.
Christmas Eve to me wasn’t even extravagant either with my friends. A friend of mine came over first and we talked and watched, “The Holiday” together while snacking up on candy canes and hot chocolate. We were killing time before we could meet up with his girlfriend that was getting off of work at 11 pm and then going over to the workplace of another friend to exchange gifts and hang out because he was getting off at 11:30 pm. Everywhere else was closed on Christmas Eve, so we just sat in the cold exchanging gifts and just talking until the cold got the best of us. I believe we all respectively got home around 1-ish to call it a night. Absolutely no drinking, no parties, just good quality time with close friends.
Around the same time I was with my friends, my lonesome boyfriend decided to take a stroll of his own to the local supermarket before it would close to stock up on some late night snacks and wine. It was here that he ran into another group of my friends that he’s also good friends with (mutual friends respectively). It was here where he decided to invite them all over to his place to drink the night away. I heard he invited three of our girl friends and two of our guy friends.
They drank and talked till about two in the morning and then all decided to leave for home. It was then, where one of my girl friend’s got really drunk and insisted she didn’t want to go anywhere until she sobered up. Other people from that night have said they could drive her home but she repeatedly insisted she didn’t want to leave her car behind and that she would rather sleep in her car than have someone drop her off. My boyfriend tried to sober her up with water and coffee but she had drunk too much and nothing was working. He said he felt responsible and so insisted he would personally drop her off and thus, left his place with everyone whilst they were all leaving too.
This is where it gets fun. My boyfriend does manage to take her all the way home but my friend refuses to get out of the car. For whatever reason she stated, he listened and then brought her straight back to his place. I still don’t know what their conversation was about but I guess it doesn’t really matter anymore. Anyways, he tried once again to sober her up and then without further ado, decided to just keep her company until she sobers up on her own. Since she wasn’t fit for any conversation, he then laid her down on his bed for her to rest and then was about to head into his living room where he would crash until suddenly she said that she wanted to sleep with him.
Very direct, I know. Without even a second to think of the outcome, they did and she woke up the next morning and told me on Christmas day what had happened and ruined my evening and my holiday. She stated how it was so unlike herself and how guilty she had felt and I genuinely appreciated her honesty. She also told me about how she had secretly had a crush on him for over a year and being friends with him has been very hard on her. And now this. She didn’t know what to do and was asking me for help.
This is where it becomes strange. I’m heartbroken and shocked. But I wasn’t mad at her or upset at her in the least. I could feel her guilt and the pain she had gone through of secretly liking him all this time while I was dating him. I felt how hard it must have been every time she had seen us together and how I talked about him in front of her. I saw signs before but I never acted on them because he was dating me already. I guess I just pushed it away knowing nothing would happen between the two.
Even now when it did happen, I still wasn’t upset at her for what she had done. At least she had the decency to tell me straightaway the very next day. My boyfriend didn’t breathe a word when I met him. After hearing her side of the story and helping her the best way I could, I waited for him to call me for our Christmas dinner plans that I had promised. When he did, he didn’t sound any different, maybe he did but it seemed he was just full of Christmas spirit, nothing dramatically different.
He talked of how he got movies for us to watch all night long, along with a dinner he made himself just for me, and bottles of my favorite moscato to share. I was so cold to him. I was so upset and angry that anger wouldn’t even come out. All I said was that I didn’t want to see him tonight and that I wanted to be alone and he just knew that I had heard everything already. He said he would come right over but I said I wouldn’t dare open the door for him until he was ready to admit everything. I could feel how tense he was on the other side.
We didn’t see each other until three days after the incident. In three days, everything was resolved. To him, me refusing to see him on Christmas was like the severing of the relationship. I guess I would have to agree although we didn’t talk anything through. When I finally met him and we talked, all he said was that he was sorry and how foolish he was. He stated that the alcohol got the best of him which I don’t agree because he’s a strong drinker. Not to mention he was okay enough to drive in the first place and try to help out my friend. To sleep with her was all on him because he made the choice. It’s not like my friend jumped on him, he did out of his own free will. But then, he started saying about how he was going to take responsibility for his actions and be with my friend because there may be chances she could get pregnant since there was no protection involved. He did all the talking and I just sat there.
He never said anything about starting a new relationship with her when he was talking to my friend on what they should do. But he told her he would be by her side and take responsibility of her if anything did happen. She took it knowing whatever they would have together may never last forever. To her, even temporary was enough.
It deeply upsets me when I see these two individually. She — could do much better. Temporary should never be enough, no matter how much you love someone. Knowing a relationship would never last is not going to be blissful. And starting one based off of sex and an affair, will never get you far. He will hurt her someday just like he hurt me.
Him — I want to commend him for his responsibilities from his actions but at the same time, I don’t know how he could be that forward to me in admitting his wrongs and leaving so easily. I will never know if he was unhappy in our relationship or if he had no sexual desires with me. We never got as far as he did with my friend. We had plans of marriage, yes, but did he really love me and cherish me? I will never know.
I still have thoughts wondering if the reason we had never slept together was his act of cherishing me as a woman and waiting until the right time or there was no sexual desire in me as a woman and thus he never wanted to sleep with me. When we were together, the idea of sex never came up because both of us were never interested in it in the first place. To briefly explain Liam’s character, he’s a nerd that was working on his doctorates with hobbies consisting of painting, photography and cooking. I’m a nerdy gal that does counseling as a living with hobbies of listening and playing music, movie fanaticism and writing. Get the picture?
We’re two nerds in a pod. It took months for us to even get to hold hands! But he suddenly cheats on me by sleeping with one of my best friends? Incredible. I don’t understand how this happened. I feel it’s too out of his personality. Unless I didn’t know him well enough all this time. Imagine what I could have married into . . .
Almost a year has gone by and I’m happy to say that I have not yet run into him or talked to him. But it does still upset me when I think back on what he did to me (and at Christmas of all days!). I love Christmas so much (and that goes beyond the average person, I’m part elf) and he ruined that part of me. It’s only been a year so maybe next year I’ll liven up again, but this year was kept very minimal and not so cheery. Not to forget that this also means they have been dating for almost a year too.
Nothing happened where my friend got pregnant or he cheated on her. They managed to sum up a decent relationship and I hear from time to time, that she is very happy. Good for her, really. But him, seriously? How does he cheat and still manage to get himself a new girlfriend? I will never understand. I’m still alone and miserable just thinking how this all unraveled.
As much as I’m thankful that this happened before we got married, my trust issues and insecurities have drastically heightened just because this came from someone that wasn’t just a boyfriend. My faith in men are squat even though I know better that not all of them are like Liam. It’s just that to find the ones that aren’t, are just that much harder for me now.