Love Quote #11: The Scariest Thing . . .

The Scariest Thing . . .

It’s crazy scary because this is EXACTLY how I feel right now to the last dot. The person can love me and cherish me and I’d be the happiest person on earth, or break me and curse me and I’ll feel like the most broken anyone has ever felt. It’s ridiculous how we grant so much power to the ones we love but at the same time, don’t calculate the fact how much of that power can be used against us and leave us broken and thrown away like last night’s garbage.

It’s insane because when you think about it, this person that’s in front of you that you’ve been thinking about all day isn’t just there in your head, but in you heart and soul. This person starts creeping into your realm and you start believing that they’re the missing link to your everything and even begin to believe that your existence coincides to their existence.

Just the thought of them make you whistle about through your morning wondering when they’d call next. Your finger itches to check if there were any missed messages or if you should text them first. You look up at the clouds and wonder if they’re looking up at that exact same time too and thinking about you. And as the wind brushes through your hair, you wish it was them sliding their fingers down your hair and it puts a smile to your face just at the thought of it.

It’s scary, I know. Because no one will know just how much this is important to you. No one can feel just how frightening it is that your feelings have ever progressed this far about someone. No one.

I Just Can’t


I’m mad at myself, not you.

I’m mad for always being nice,
always apologizing for things I didn’t do,
for getting attached,
for making you my life,
depending on you,
wasting my time on you,
thinking about you,
forgiving you,
wishing for you,
dreaming of you.

But most of all, for not hating you, which I know I should . . .

But I just can’t.

Picture Perfect

“Life is full of surprises and adventures, but sometimes it’s the seemingly ordinary moments that make life special. Picture Perfect is a tribute to those little moments and a reminder to cherish each and every day.” The Jubilee Project is one of my favorite channels on YouTube, you should definitely check out more of their work, it’s all so wonderful. Here’s to another beautifully made short film that I wanted to share with everyone. Enjoy! 🙂

Just Friends

I know that I don’t own you,
and perhaps I never will,
so my anger when you’re with her,
I have no right to feel.

I know that you don’t owe me,
and I shouldn’t ask for more;
I shouldn’t feel so let down,
all the times when you don’t call.

What I feel, I shouldn’t show you,
so when you’re around I won’t,
I know I’ve no right to feel it –
but it doesn’t mean I don’t.

Lang Leav

Apologue #47: Bad Boys Always Win

I honestly don’t know how else to put it, but I speak the truth when I say that the bad boys always win. It’s not because they cheat or play dirty, it’s because we as women find this kind of assertive and aggressive behavior mysteriously attractive and a new wild adventure. Trust me when I say that I always root for the good guy, but sometimes, my heart lingers for the bad and there’s just no way of stopping it.

I honestly don’t know why it happens. You know when you’re sitting in front of a movie and you see everything unfolding and there’s always that one super, sweet guy that loves the girl wholeheartedly and then there’s always that one jerk who lingers with no feelings whatsoever but the girl keeps following him like a lost puppy and loves him no matter what happens? Doesn’t it just drive you nuts?

I see it happen all the time. ALL the time. Not just on the silver screen but in real life. It just drives me crazy because you can already see what’s going to happen and what the girl should do to get her happily ever after, but she just dumps it all down and runs the other direction. So, I got myself to thinking —  what’s that drive, that the bad boys have that makes the girl come to their side?

I’ve never been the type to like rebellious men. I find them a nuisance to handle. Interested in dating a player? Highly not recommended for any lady. So that’s out. Then it must be the fixer-upper! Absolutely not! Now, why would I go on with all of my effort to try and fix something without knowing if it’ll pay off back to me later on? That’s trouble brewing and I don’t have the time.

Honestly, I can ramble for hours about this and it won’t get anywhere closer to the real deal. Everyone has heard all of these reasons. It’s because bad boys are “charismatic,” “rebellious,” it’s “unknown territory that we want to discover” and conquer (did I say that out loud? Not really). There’s lists upon lists that can go on about why we choose them but the truth is — the heart wants, what the heart wants.

Not satisfied? I’ll recap on how I got here. Currently I have been sweet-talking to two really good friends of mine. One is a friend that I’ve lost in touch with for a while but we’re reconnecting again. He’s always been a sweetheart and listens ever so well to everything I say and respects me greatly as a friend and a woman. The other is definitely a heartbreaker. He teases me and makes fun of me, and will never miss an opportunity to make fun of the guys I date saying they’re not even real men yet and are silly boys and does everything to creep under my skin.

That’s it. It’s simple. Going with my movie gut, I should most definitely pick the good guy, right? He’s always listening and sweet to me, and takes good care of my feelings. I know that if I were to date him, he’d treat me real good and I’d get what I deserve. But that’s the thing, I’ll already know how he’ll treat me. There’s no room for surprises or anything new because it’s so predictable, maybe even a tad boring. No matter how good of a girlfriend I would be for him, he’ll always be good. No matter how bad of a girlfriend I would be, he’ll still be good. Kind of painful to think about.

But my heart is already moving towards the jerk. It’s not because he’s unpredictable, I already know he’ll make fun of me even more if I were to say I’m interested in him. He’ll probably make me cry each night because he’s already done it a couple times. He pisses me off and gets me flustering mad when he ignores me and doesn’t text/call back. But at the end of day, he’s already crawled beneath my skin and itched his way to my heart that I can’t hear what my brain is telling me. Painful, again.

I’ve always thought of the girls in the movies that choose the bad guy to be brainless and stupid to ruin their own lives, stripping away their own happiness. Now that I’ve been there, I realize that you can’t stop your heart for beating something that it feels to be right even though you know it’s wrong. You can’t stay away from it.

So why do bad boys always win? Because your heart’s a fool and you let it.

The Sun Threw Stones and the Moon Wept

They never really tell you how the moon got all those deep bruises.

The story goes that the sun saw her one night as he was leaving the sky. He was so taken by her silver face, so calm and beautiful, that he felt himself changed at just the sight of her. In a thoughtless trance, he picked up a few stones and threw them towards her in order to get her attention.

But the sun was too strong, and the stones skipped over the black river of the sky and crashed into her with such a force that she fell back. After the stones settled, they began to spread large bruises across her face. The longer the stones stayed, the deeper the bruises got.

The sun watched in horror as her face begun to turn dark and patched with craters the size of the stones. He couldn’t make his way to her, for there was a barrier that kept them from ever touching.

The moon cried, and the oceans swelled under her pain. Her face was no longer the smooth silver jewel it had once been. She looked across the sky and saw the deep orange sun with a stone still in his hand. She never asked him why he did it, and he could never get close enough to tell her that it was because he loved her.

The bruises never faded, and neither did the moon’s sadness. The sun never forgave himself, so at the end of each day, when he saw the moon take her place, he turned deep orange before turning away.

Some days, when they are both seen in the sky together, you can hear the sun trying to tell her that he is sorry, and that her bruises are beautiful.

alonesomes

The Notebook

My dearest Allie,

I couldn’t sleep last night because I know it’s over between us. I’m not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I’ll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that’s what you’ve given me. That’s what I hope to give you forever. I love you. I’ll be seeing you.

— Noah [The Notebook, 2004]

Apologue #38: False Hope

When a person has feelings for you, the best and obvious thing that you can do in return is to have feelings for them too. But if for some reason you cannot, then the next best thing you can do for them is to be strict about letting them know you can’t return the favor. It may sound harsh, but to let them know as soon as possible, that you can’t see them being in a relationship with you and telling them that there is no hope, should be clearly recognized and your responsibility for letting them know that.

The reason being, is that if you are not clear with them, they will always keep that small amount of hope somewhere in the back of their heart and mind, and will continually wait for you and not be able to move on and find someone else that can cherish them and love them the way they do for you now. However, people instinctively want and desire love from as many people they can receive from thus even if they can’t receive love from certain people, we keep hoping that that can change and we can accept love from everyone we want to love.

There are too many cases where we make excuses instead of being honest when it comes down to turning people away that have confessed their feelings for us. There are so many times when we drunk dial someone that we don’t even care about and say sappy things such as wanting to hear their voice, or go on dates with people we have no intention of starting a relationship with, break up with someone because we no longer have feelings for them but lie and say because there are problems at home, cannot forget a past lover, or even say that we want to concentrate more on our careers at the moment — these are all lies and excuses that we make thinking they’ll get the message, but usually and in most cases, it’s not enough. Why? Because for the person with the feelings, these are all problems that can be fixed and worth waiting for if feelings are strong enough. So what does that mean? Those actions mean nothing because there is still hope. Those excuses are nothing but something that will only cause them disappoint, sadness, and vexation that will cling to their hearts and leave them wounds but still will keep fighting for your love.

For all these excuses instead of being honest, I call all these situations as false hope. It’s pretty much torturous. And for someone who has so much feelings for just liking you for who you are, no one should deserve that kind of pain. If for whatever reason you can never love them in return and you know it, the least you can do as something favorable for the thanks of having such strong emotions towards you, is leaving them without an ounce of hope to hold on to and turning them away so they can quickly move on and find someone else to love. It may be brutal to them at first, but I can guarantee you, that they’ll thank you for it later.