Apologue #35: Fantasies Gone Wrong

I feel that I shouldn’t daydream or fantasize about Mr. Right anymore. As a woman and a young girl at heart, this will definitely be a challenge but it’ll make my love life so much easier. Let me break down the dirty details.

Two weeks ago, as I was visiting friends back in my college town, I also got in touch with my good friend, Timothy. My lunch date with Tim was actually right after my breakfast brunch with Ron the same day. Go figure. Anyways, Tim and I are friends but we’re not greatly acquainted yet. We have hung around each other with large groups of other friends but never alone to just talk, this lunch was our first date.

To brief up Tim, he’s a real sweet and hard-working kind of guy. He is nerdy and quite brainy, but he also knows when to let it loose and have fun too. Tim is hard to talk about because I can say a lot of what he can do but I can’t talk much about what he’s like. I know him well but I don’t know of him.

But the Tim that I do know, I am very attracted to. I like his nerdy persona and his geeky ways. One day we’d be talking about linguistics and why the English language changes meanings in its course over generations and then next, he’ll randomly burst out to Disney songs with his guitar. He’s not spontaneous but he can be unpredictable. That’s what makes him an awesome nerd. So I’d be lying if I said I haven’t thought about him from time to time.

I’ve daydreamed about him before and how our life would be if we’d been together. I feel that it would be a lot of fun but at the same time we’d know when to buckle down and be serious too. We’d have Doctor Who marathons as we snuggle on the couch and then dress up as wizards and witches on Halloween and brew up Butterbeer for our friends at our dinner parties. For leisure we’d read and sing Disney songs together and put on our own show of the entire movie with no one to show. At least, that’s how I fantasized what kind of couple we’d be.

I haven’t thought of him much lately until recently one couple started to suggest that we should start seeing each other and that we’d make a cute couple. We’re both nerdy, have the same interests, and are looking for a good companion. So, why not? I called him up for a lunch date to see if there really can be something good between us the minute I arrived into town.

The lunch date turned out to be a lot of fun. It wasn’t at all awkward considering we haven’t talked in the past couple of months, and we really got caught up in the moment of just getting to know each other better. I was really surprised and happy to know that even though I thought he wasn’t interested in me per se, at least he remembered my areas of interest, what programs I was interested in when it comes to studying and thinking about going back to school, which honestly isn’t something hard to remember unless the person is at least a good friend. So it was a good thing to know that at least, he and I are at a good starting point.

But throughout lunch as I was asking about his future plans and if he’s been seeing anyone, I was glad he was honest with me and told me how he went on a blind date recently, but other than that he has no interest of starting anything with anyone new any time soon. Even when I hinted of my availability and seeing if he’d catch up to what I was referring, he was reserved and his body language with his arms crossed throughout our conversation was sign sure enough that he wasn’t interested.

Not to also forget that as I was sitting there and talking to him, I really got to feel what I was fantasizing about him, and it turns out that he wasn’t at all like what I thought he would be. Sure, I really wouldn’t know given that I haven’t personally dated him. But even while we were together, he wasn’t his nerdy self — he seemed more refined, reserved, and strangely critical. He wasn’t at all the warm and carefree nerd that I found attractive. Picture Chandler from “Friends” that suddenly changed into a Sheldon from “The Big Bang Theory.” Get the picture? Both attractive respectively but not what I came looking for with Tim.

I’m not really a forward person but I am the type that doesn’t want to lose a good chance when given the opportunity. I felt that he and I could have something special and considering how I no longer reside in the same place that he is in now, I felt that this type of chance where I can see him wouldn’t come often so I did all that I felt be fit for the timing. Sure, it didn’t turn out well but at least I know that we may not have been compatible as I had dreamed we would be.

So, what am I trying to say? Stop all girls from fantasizing their Mr. Right? No. That’s an impossibility. But at least have the sense to get to know who you’re fantasizing first before you start making up things that don’t even exist would be a great start. I knew that guy enough to fantasize what we would be doing together what I found enjoyable and I know he finds enjoyable too, but it turns out I was still wrong because maybe that’s something he doesn’t do to be intimate with a girlfriend. I’ll never know. But maybe toning down the fantasies can help you in seeing and getting to know the guy you’re crushing on before you break yourself within your own bubble. It’s not a good feeling having to burst your own bubble from a fantasy gone wrong.

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Apologue #8: Gold or Fool’s Gold?

James is a recent addition in my not-so-fabulous “crushes” corner. I met him this year back in January and we’ve been very good friends. I guess you can say that he’s one of those people that you just “click” instantaneously. He’s funny and quirky and just like me. I can’t help but love him and be so comfortable around him.

We first met through someone mutual. The guy was someone that used to work for my father but then was being relocated to another site; we’ve only met about two, maybe three times tops. But over those short meetings, he got to know me real fast, and fast enough at that to find a friend that would be in his words, “perfect for me.” He immediately wanted to set up a date but I refused. It felt like a blind date and does anyone actually do those anymore? I wasn’t interested. Besides, I don’t even know THIS guy as well. How can I expect anyone good when I don’t even know the person I’m directly talking with? In the end, the guy left and I thought I wouldn’t see him again but I ran into him just two weeks after. I was out getting a cup of coffee at Starbucks and lo’ and behold, ran into him and his supposed blind date that he wanted me to meet.

Given that I just crawled out of bed only two hours before and I wasn’t in anything presentable, I said I would pass and push it back to another time. I wasn’t looking gross or uncomfortable in what I was wearing but when you’re wearing an over-sized Batman logo tee and some yoga pants with flip flops, it’s just one of those days you need to get your coffee and get out before people start getting in your hair. I didn’t even notice that his friend even walked right up to us to introduce himself because he was waiting all by himself at the table. I really was in no mood to have a chit-chat but my supposed blind date changed my mind when he saw my shirt and said he liked Batman too, and then he starts to unbutton his shirt to reveal he had on a Superman logo shirt under his. Nerdvana. I’ve struck gold.

His smile and his Superman shirt is something I would never forget in my eyes. It’s too cute to pass up. Turns out his friend was right, we were too good for each other. We hit it off straight-away with no problems. We’ve sat together and talked nothing but superheros countless amounts of times, and you know, even though I’m more into fantasy and the supernatural, I really don’t mind because it’s enjoyable to talk about anything with him; even if it’s as stupid as what super power would you have and why.

James is six years older than me but he feels like a friend I grew up with. It’s the strangest thing. I look at him and he seems like an overgrown child. But when I look at him work, he’s diligent and hard-working as all young men should be. When it comes to serious matters, he knows when and how to take control and be firm with his decisions. He’s also such a gentleman – and I don’t mean the ones that open your doors and treats you right, because that’s a given. He’s a gentleman because he was brought up right and knows what is right and wrong in front of his woman.

I’ve seen James work at his workplace and I’ve seen James with his friends. He’s like any typical man when it comes to roughhousing and swigging a few beers talking about the latest football games. When he’s with his friends he likes watching raunchy movies and can trash talk like he grew up in the hood. But when he’s front of me, when he’s talking to me – it’s all gone. It’s like it never exists. At first I was taken aback and kind of shocked at how he can turn off that side of him like a switch. I looked at him as if he had multiple personalities and I would never know which was the real him. But the more I saw him and the more I observed, I came to realize that he’s able to self-control his actions and words very well. That’s nothing to be feared of but more respected. In front of me, he always wants to presentable and a gentleman, there’s nothing wrong with that.

I’ve overheard him and his friends shout and scream curse words in front of the television set as if his living room was the live audience of Jerry Springer. But you know, once I walk into that room, even his friends change into well-behaved men. I don’t know who their mothers are but I want to hug them all for a great job. They all give the cutest smiles and have the silliest faces. Maybe there’s hope after all.

But when I look at James, I can’t help but feel hesitant about diving into a deeper relationship too, just like any men. We may have our quirkiness and share similar tastes in nerdiness but I feel that some of this is too good to be true. What James and I have now is a very open relationship. We’re free to see other people if we wish but we both know we wouldn’t. We’re not committed to one another but if we had to, I’m sure we’d talk about it. So how come it isn’t moving forward? Can relationships actually stand still without advancing? It’s a new question that I’ve been trying to figure out myself these past couple of months. As much as I want to know how he feels about all of this, at the same time I feel that I shouldn’t because we’re really not in that area of relations to be talking about any of this. We’re not friends with benefits or even doing anything in that matter, but we care and spend time with each other every weekend.

Since I first met him in January, there has not been a single weekend that I have spent alone because he always was there. Every weekend we talk of movies or superheros or food. I’m serious when I say that I’ve struck gold. The man actually listens and loves to talk. So why aren’t I doing anything to keep him? Why isn’t he doing anything to keep me? Are we even in the same place, or is this another reason that needs to be added to why I don’t do crushes?