Love Quote #7: Late Bloomer

When life and love are referenced into flowers I feel that my personal life motto  is: “A flower that wilts before it blooms.” I’ve heard it from someone before, sadly enough. It was actually my mentor, confidante, and dear friend. And I believe he knew what he was talking about.

He knows the path that I have walked, the loves that have crossed before me, and the pain that has crashed along the way. He knows how emotional I am even though I don’t show it, and he knows just how much I have gone through in my short life to really know how I am and how I view life.

So when he said, he sees me he can see a flower that wilts before it has a chance to bloom, I believe it because I can feel it. All the pain and sorrows, the loves that could have been but were never meant to be, and just how tired and exhausted I am (already) before I had a chance to show anything good about myself to the world.

I’m a late bloomer for sure. And what an incredible father Mulan had to encourage her along her challenges in life (my father is awesomely supportive too, but does wish I get married soon). Time to raise my chin up high, smile bright, and wait to finally bloom at the right time.

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Apologue #9: “I’m Hopeless and Awkward and Desperate for Love!”

              

              

              

Hello, I’m Chandler Bing. It’s actually pretty funny because I believe I am the female counterpart of my favorite Friends sitcom character. I even took one of those online quizzes one time to see “Which character are you on Friends?” and I got him too (funny how they asked for your sex but I still got a dude. Meh.) And here I was thinking I was a Monica 😀

But the more I look into Chandler, the more I feel that we are all awkward and desperate when it comes to love. Especially me. Sometimes I really wonder if I choose to be single or if I’m single because I’m quirky and weird and people find that . . . weird? Haha, nonetheless, at least I am happy with my situation and I’m not wondering aimlessly flirting with every male that comes in my view. But I do have a part of me that can be needy, that can be lonely, and let’s face it, desperate.

But you know, at the end of the day, it all comes down to owning up to yourself and really getting to know who exactly you are and feeling comfortable with it. It’s all about loving yourself for whoever you are, no matter how awkward or needy you may be, and admitting to yourself who you are in order to face all the other competitors out there in the dating field. The sooner you’re able to accept yourself, the sooner others will be able to see the real you and come forward to get to know you too.

So here’s to the hopeless, awkward, and desperate in all of us! Huzzah! 🙂

Apologue #5: It’s Not Okay to be Single

It’s nothing new when people ask me repeatedly why I choose to be single. Just like I respect your decisions on your lifestyle, I pray tell that you be courteous enough with mine as I talk a little bit about myself. The short version is that I am tired of dating. The slighter longer but still short version is that I give at least one chance to anyone that pursues me, but I am tired of dating the wrong people. Now, I’m sure that even though I blog of stories in a gender-less mode, I’m pretty sure that everyone who has come across my blog knows that I am indeed, a woman. Surprise, surprise (can you note the sarcasm in my writing yet?)! Anywho, going by just personality, I do tend to be a bit androgynous which drives both men and women equally crazy. I tend to have more male friends and enjoy the laid-back environment but I also tend to be very popular with the ladies for my protective and “gentlemanly” qualities. I have gotten a few love letters and confessions by other women just as respectively as I have with my fellow men. I’m strictly heterosexual but it’s good to know I have a back-up (just kidding).

I’m like a universal “Chandler,” a character from my favorite sitcom series, “FRIENDS.” I have certain “characteristics” that bring appeal to both sexes, or else don’t in some cases. I haven’t had many relationships but I have had countless amounts of dates. Like I said, I give everyone at least one chance (you can never know who you fall in love with unless you give it a shot). And through my journey of the dating world, I have become so exhausted because it seems any person I date isn’t much different from the last person I dated. Nothing was new. Nothing sparked my interests anymore. It’s as if everyone was using the same dating manual. I still go on dates from time to time but I don’t do relationships so easily. So going back to not dating, I just don’t find anyone as appealing and interesting anymore, so it’s been harder for me to see anyone. But since I enjoy reflecting back on past experiences and writing about them, I’m not really so lonely as I enjoy my time being single.

But lately, I don’t know if it’s because I’m in my twenties and everyone around me is already married or about to be married, I feel the push and pressures of marriage. And it certainly hasn’t been easier around society because everyone wants to know everything about how the “young people date” these days. Which brings me to today’s topic on why people look at me funny when I say I choose to be single.

This is a true scenario that happened to me a few months back . . . I was at a cafe with a few of my friends and other acquaintances one day until the person that was sitting across from me asked me if I was seeing anyone. When I replied no and explained my choices to stay single, I was ridiculed, called “crazy” and “not of sound mind” for wanting to choose the single lifestyle. I was indeed shocked to the point of being flabbergasted. Never in my life did anyone talk to me in such a rude manner. It was ridiculous. I have met my fair share of jerky people but this was the worst. Just because I didn’t follow the same quality of standards that other people may follow, I was called out and verbally abused for it. It’s actually not that far-fetched that some people and I follow in choosing to be single because: A) We get tired of dating jerky people like them, and B) Not interested, period. These choices are for my own benefit and my own lifestyle, why should I be judged for my own individuality? It’s not like I am insisting others partake my enthusiasm.

I tried to explain myself but this person didn’t want to hear any of it. It’s not like I was celibate and I explained that part too (not that there is anything wrong with celibacy, either). But nothing was going through, as all stubborn people are. Soon I wasn’t just being called crazy in actually choosing to be single, but also lying in order to hide my embarrassment of not being taken by someone.

Rude. Rude. RUDE.

Honestly, I didn’t need to waste my time for these kind of low-life people. I didn’t get offended because I defended what I believed in and it doesn’t matter whether they believe what I say because I chose this for myself. But what did get me offended was that there were other single women listening in on our conversation and I could see that they believed every, single, hurtful word that was uttered out of this horrible person’s mouth. That hurt me the most out of everything this person was spitting out. These were the very people that I care for the most and are my friends, and they were listening and agreeing and getting upset from these criticisms.

Every one of us has feelings. Every single one of us deserves to be loved and not to be spoken in such a light manner. These women were smiling and trying to not make a big deal of it but in their eyes I could see their heartbreaks and their battles of the millionth time, and it was just all so frustrating!

At the end of our debate, this person actually moved away from me and sat down at another seat on the far end of the group, remarking as they were moving that they had better get out of the way before any more of my “crazy and unrealistic singledom ideals” rub off on them. Ironic because that fool is single too. Actually, every person in that group was single. It’s great to know that it’s okay for you to be single but it’s not okay for me. So, why did I choose to be single again? I really can’t hold in my laughter any longer 😉