Apologue #7: Horror-ible Weddings

It’s the month of October and Halloween is right around the corner and I can’t help but get jittery to share some not quite right, horror wedding stories. I have had many privileges in attending quite a few weddings in my life (and more to come) and you just wouldn’t believe how many funny yet not so right encounters I have witnessed. I’m not talking bridezillas and drunken uncles making a scene, but truly rare moments you don’t get to see too often that I would like to share.

It was in 2005, when I attended a wedding back in my hometown. A good friend that was like an older sibling to me was getting married and pretty much everyone that their family knew was invited. It was a big wedding, and certainly one that I haven’t been to in a while. People that knew the bride and groom came flying in from all over the state. It was truly a sight to see just how much blessing this couple was getting. It seemed like everyone didn’t want to miss this wedding. It was like “Wedding of the Year” or something; it was indeed extravagant.

The church was adorned in ivory and pearl. Ivory satin carpets for the bridal party was laid out for their walkway, flowers covered the archways of the doors, a sparkling veil with rhinestones actually covered the ceiling of the sanctuary hung in random places to make it look as if we were in a reception tent. This couple went all out and beyond to make everything so luxurious. People were whispering and gasping at every corner entranced in everything they laid eyes on.

Everything was going according to plan as all weddings do. Everyone finally got seated and hushed down, the ceremony began and the wedding party began their march in single file one couple after the other. Everyone was smiling and looked so stunning. Even the wedding party looked too perfect. Nothing could possibly go wrong. But then, the groom entered and made his way down the carpet and everything couldn’t be so wrong. He had his nice suit and big pearly smile but then, it seemed that the pianist had lost her musical touch. The pianist most certainly must have lost their place while reading the music sheet or something. How could they possible miss all the notes and chords? Every step the groom took, the pianist messed up a note. The wedding procession was starting to sound like a kitty in a blender. Maybe that would have been better. People started to mumble and point fingers at the pianist, and we all were just looking at each other wondering what possibly could have gone wrong.

When I finally decided to take my turn at glancing towards the pianist, never have I ever seen anyone so flushed with anger but with tears streaming down their eyes, as as well as furiously trying to play an instrument. This person obviously had too much emotions boiling over them. When I then turned my attention back to the groom, he was dead in his tracks and had eyes like a deer in headlights. Something was obviously up with these two and I was set to find out exactly what. By this time you could already hear the wails of the bride from behind the sanctuary doors because she knew something was obviously wrong with her “perfect day.” I felt so bad for her.

After all parties had settled down, the wedding continued on with no pianist, a crying bride throughout the whole ceremony (and trust me, it was not happy tears) and a faceless groom. Reception time came and there was no first dance, no father-and-daughter dance, just a DJ and an empty dance floor and people stuffing their faces and gossiping to what on earth had just happened. Turns out as obvious it may already be, the pianist was an old ex of the groom but apparently she wasn’t just any ex, she was the ex that was apparently his first fiance. And while engaged to this first fiance, he was also engaged to tonight’s bride. In the end, he had decided to go for the more well-off and “better” bride and ditched the other without any reason whatsoever to explain himself. And this break-up all took in the span of 2 weeks before this actual wedding. So, what a surprise for all parties to finally see each other under such festivities.

Wow. Just, wow. Who knew stuff like this actually happens in real life? Life is always full of surprises. The pianist definitely stuck around and explained herself and her actions, and also apologized for not being professional. Tough woman (I like her). The groom panicked and stuck with his bachelor groomsmen for protection pretty much the whole night without explaining himself to anyone, not even his own bride.

The marriage surprisingly is still intact to this day. I hear that the bride definitely keeps the groom on a tight leash and has him whipped to the bone. As well as too much information on why “make-up sex” is always worth it. Honestly, I don’t know how she does it to keep him in control. Once a cheater is always a cheater in my book. But I guess she may have a secret or two up her sleeve to make it work, kudos for her.