Apologue #34: Something Yours Became Something Mine

I ran across a piece of poetry that caught my attention a few days ago that I would like to share here today. It caught my eye solely because how I was already in tune with the author’s feelings and thus, I was even able to add a little bit of myself at the end. It’s not the best form of poetry that will leave you thinking, but it is the kind of poetry that is simple and direct, and enough for you to feel.

The truth is
I stopped talking to you,
not because I don’t like you anymore
but because I thought I was annoying you.

And I’m just waiting for you
to say that you miss me
because I miss you everyday,
every hour, every minute, every second
and it hurts.

These next two parts are all me. I’m not a poet but just wanted to input a little bit of what I do as I’m waiting.

No matter how many times I look down at my phone
just to see if you called —
No. Even a simple text
but to see nothing makes me lose bits of hope every single day.

I don’t know how and why I keep trying knowing already
that you will never be the one to call me back.
But I keep waiting in hopes that I really had some significance
in your life just as much as you did
to mine.

It’s a frustrating and belittling feeling, I know. We’ve all been here once or twice. I’m currently going through this right now with one of my friends. We don’t have a romantic relationship but the same rules apply where I’m waiting and constantly waiting more for him to call back or even shoot me a simple text, but I get nothing back.

I used to text him first all the time because that’s what we do, we text insanely with each other because talking on the phone is awkward for us. But when he suddenly stopped replying, and I didn’t know the reasons why, it felt just as heartbreaking and undeniably cold as when a lover starts ignoring you.

Mostly the reasons to why I text him so often was because I miss him. He’s my best friend. I haven’t talked to him in months now and we used to talk via text almost every single day. See how significant his presence may be now that he’s not there anymore?

A couple of weeks ago, I finally mustered up the courage and texted him a long message to not understanding why we’ve grown apart and if there was anything that I did wrong, that I apologize for it. I noted that I missed him and that it would be great to talk out whatever is wrong so we can fix this. That he’s family and I don’t want to lose him.

Still nothing. I texted him often because I miss him and think about him all the time. I’m partly waiting to see if he thinks of me and longs for me too but it seems like our friendship wasn’t as strong as I had thought it was. And that truth, is very heart-wrenching.

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Apologue #9: “I’m Hopeless and Awkward and Desperate for Love!”

              

              

              

Hello, I’m Chandler Bing. It’s actually pretty funny because I believe I am the female counterpart of my favorite Friends sitcom character. I even took one of those online quizzes one time to see “Which character are you on Friends?” and I got him too (funny how they asked for your sex but I still got a dude. Meh.) And here I was thinking I was a Monica 😀

But the more I look into Chandler, the more I feel that we are all awkward and desperate when it comes to love. Especially me. Sometimes I really wonder if I choose to be single or if I’m single because I’m quirky and weird and people find that . . . weird? Haha, nonetheless, at least I am happy with my situation and I’m not wondering aimlessly flirting with every male that comes in my view. But I do have a part of me that can be needy, that can be lonely, and let’s face it, desperate.

But you know, at the end of the day, it all comes down to owning up to yourself and really getting to know who exactly you are and feeling comfortable with it. It’s all about loving yourself for whoever you are, no matter how awkward or needy you may be, and admitting to yourself who you are in order to face all the other competitors out there in the dating field. The sooner you’re able to accept yourself, the sooner others will be able to see the real you and come forward to get to know you too.

So here’s to the hopeless, awkward, and desperate in all of us! Huzzah! 🙂