Apologue #15: Fester Chester

Oh lord, we are all Fester.

Before asking someone out we all get anxiety attacks and start panicking to know if what we’re doing is the right thing at the right time, and this part with Fester couldn’t have summed up my feelings any better. I’ve had the gutsy-ness to ask a nice gentleman out once last year. We have been flirting back and forth for months but he would never officially ask me out due to whatever unknown fears or problems he had and so I did, for him. It was funny because we were already having a small coffee date together and just enjoying each other’s company and I don’t know what came over me. It could have been the caffeine or maybe the fact that my patience was running dry, I literally just spat it out with confidence that I have no idea where it came from and said (I kid you not), “You should go out on a date with me some time. I guarantee you that you won’t regret it.” and flashed him a silly smile awaiting his response. Guarantee? Where did that come from? Oh my goodness . . .

I know his answer wasn’t delayed for too long but after his small laughter from spitting out his coffee from the sudden shock and actually responding back, those small seconds until I got the okay felt like hours. After I asked him out my mind was out of control and I was sitting there smiling with a smile that felt like it’s been screwed on by a bolt, and I’m screaming on the inside – yelling at myself – “What the hell was that and where did it come from? Oh my goodness, I’m not this kind of woman, what is he going to think of me? This is so embarrassing, should I laugh and say it was a joke?” I’m telling you, I wasn’t even thinking about whether he would say yes or no, but dreading how everything will unfold and if we could even be on talking premises after this awkward situation. I could already feel my heart-rate elevating as my chest was heaving heavy intakes of breath and I could feel my cheeks flushing to the color of ripe tomatoes from the heat I was already feeling.

I was fortunate enough though, that the man was indeed interested in me at the least, and so gave me a thumbs up and we were planning out our first real date. But even during our date I was so nervous. I felt so empowered and devilish when I literally spit out that he wasn’t going to regret going out with me (I don’t even know where that bit came from!) that I was even more cautious and trying hard to be excitable so it would feel that his time with me was worthwhile.

If I was providing him with the good time that I promised with him of not regretting this time we are sharing together in order to develop closer feelings to one another, that is always the best case scenario. But what if I’m trying and he doesn’t see eye-to-eye with me and so it really does turn out to be a wasteful date but also a sour one to joke about to his other male friends? I was letting this one date get too out of hand in determining his happiness and satisfaction of what he’ll gain through me. And that’s not what dates are about.

Little to my surprise, as nervous of a wreck I may have looked, Liam was the perfect gentleman that planned out everything for our evening together. I may have scored the first hard goal by asking him out but he made sure to play hard to make up for not asking me out sooner and took the game-play back to his side of the court. But nonetheless, I was nervous throughout.

So, it’s not an embarrassment to feel like Fester when it comes to asking someone out. The fear of the person saying no versus the bigger fear of the person saying yes is all good fun when you look back on it. It’s not just you, your date will probably be having this exact same Fester Chester attacks as well. So never forget, that we all have a little Fester inside of us and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

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Heartbreak Fairy Tale

Corpse Bride 2 Love

I was a bride
My dreams were taken from me
But now – now I’ve stolen them from someone else
I love you, Victor, but you are not mine . . .

Corpse Bride [Corpse Bride, 2005]

When I watch the Corpse Bride, I can’t help but feel that this is truly a sad and tragic love story. The film portrays a happy ending for Victor and Victoria but to me, I can’t help but be overwhelmed with sadness. This quote that the Corpse Bride says to Victor as she lets him go back to Victoria instead of fighting for her own love for him not only just moved me but got me so upset to tears. How can this be a happy ending? Sure the “living” Victor and Victoria may live a happy marriage together but what about the Corpse Bride? She will forever be wandering in her lonesome self with a body of a corpse living day after day enveloped in sadness because not only did she lose her love when she was living but also when she was dead. I know that she knows what she did was the right thing to do, but Victor not doing anything to stop her (considering how his feelings and thoughts about her DID change) or even make sure if she was okay with this idea hurt me too. Yes, she is not alive . . . and yes, she doesn’t have a beating heart . . . but I sincerely believe that she felt heartbreak just as any of us, from her loss of true love. It’s just as she puts it into song in “Tears to Shed.”

If I touch a burning candle, I can feel no pain
If you cut me with a knife, it’s still the same
And I know her heart is beating, and I know that I am dead
Yet the pain here that I feel, try and tell me it’s not real
And it seems that I still have a tear to shed 

If I touch a burning candle, I can feel no pain
In the ice or in the sun, it’s all the same
Yet I feel my heart is aching, though it doesn’t beat, it’s breaking
And the pain here that I feel, try and tell me it’s not real
I know that I am dead, yet it seems that I still have some tears to shed 

I know that not everyone gets their happily ever after. But that doesn’t also mean that no one doesn’t deserve one. As much as I enjoyed the film, there’s no sadder love story than heartbreak.

Victor’s Piano Solo


“Victor’s Piano Solo” – Victor Van Dort [Corpse Bride, 2005]

I love the encounter of love through music. You think you’re all alone and so you just play whatever comes to your fingers because you’re not there to impress anyone or boast what you can do. You play what is most comfortable and entertaining for yourself. At times like these, you are most yourself while still in the form of a musician. You can play the scales or just play random keys, but the music you create in that moment, is truly you.

But then, someone hears this part of you that they don’t get to hear often. They become entranced in your music. And for a rare moment, they don’t see just you as a musician and your ability; they see the part of you that is real through your music. Nothing fake for entertainment or a disguise to amuse. But your very thought, your every glance at the keys you play, your inner beauty of what you can do. And they’ll never be able to forget that brief moment of passion and peace in your eyes again.