Apologue #49: Slooooooow Men

One of my pet peeves when it comes to dating is slow men. You know who you are and what I mean. Men that are indecisive and don’t know what they want. It drives me up the wall. Frankly, it should drive any woman up the wall and bat crazy at that. If you’re just slow and that’s how you date, that’s alright. But if you’re slow whilst still doing all the flirting and talking late into the night bit — I no longer know if you just want some booty or you’re just.that.thick.

Take for example, my college buddy, Theo. Yes, the one who “led” me on but didn’t know because of his lack of relationships. (Click here and read bulletin No.2). Sure he drove me crazy for almost two years of our friendship and yes, I did invest a heck of a lot of time and effort to make him see me for who I am, which of course crashed and burned because he was just.that.slow. It was horrendous. I don’t even like talking about.

Maybe there’s a breed of men that are just supposed to be hard to read or figure out. Maybe they reside in some kind of neutral zone, like Switzerland! between the sexes and that’s why they’re awesome because they are generally, straight heterosexual males but with androgynous features that gives them the ability to still enjoy sports and be macho but also sensitive and talk with you long hours into the night.

When I think about Theo, all I remember are our long phone conversations. This was in college too, so we definitely invested a lot of time that we shouldn’t have if we both knew where this was going, which was a dead end. Each day we awoke to texts from each other and wishing one another a good day. Which then led to texts here in there in between class periods. Then of course instant messaging (ahhh~ the days of AIM) whilst we “study” at home or the library. Then we’d both have a break and eat something and have a little of our own time to ourselves and then end the night with an average of five hours (you heard right, FIVE freaking hours) EACH night as we fall asleep to the sound of our voices and then BAM. It’s morning again and we do it all over again.

I’m not crazy and I kid you not, that’s what I did with him for 2 freaking years and pondering WHEN THE HELL HE’LL STRAP ON HIS BALLS AND ASK ME THE FREAK OUT. Of course, in the end I gave up. Me and my naive self could no longer hold on patiently and I was frustrated to the point where I thought my pride would break. I left without looking back and don’t give him the time any more. He, on the other hand, has no idea what caused the change in our friendship. He’s still single and has always been single. Good riddance.

Isn’t this ridiculously frustrating? What is it? Don’t you really know? It’s not that hard to figure out what you want, right? What are you hiding and calculating for you to take this long? The reason I’m frustrated thinking about this all over again is because I’m yet again in a situation where I am a sitting duck with another Theo. I don’t know why I put through with it again.

Example number two is my dear friend, Ron. You all remember, Ron, my sweetheart. Update on him now is that he’s broken up with said girlfriend a month ago and is single and ready to mingle. He’s single which definitely makes me feel better about not having to worry about shying him away but now we’re talking more than ever again and it’s confusing again. I know I stated before that with him, I should make some more changes and take more chances because I felt like I lost something great when he got himself a girlfriend. But now, months later, that feeling of infinite is gone and I’m back to square one where I was with him.

We still do two to three hour phone conversations and texts along the way. When mentioning the time I’ve been spending on Ron to one of my friends, they were extremely happy of the circumstances but the minute I mentioned if this doesn’t seem all too familiar and pop in Theo’s name, my friend sat there stunned with a worried expression and was silently cursing throughout our conversation. She knows how bad it was and doesn’t want me to endure that all over again. Which I surely hope I don’t make the same mistake of dragging this one on for years into the future. I no longer have the strength.

But really, men. Sometimes I just don’t understand what you’re doing. Even when I know it’s not a booty call and I know you’re not that kind of guy — why on earth are you tormenting not only us, but yourself with this? It’s not just us that’s putting our time and effort on the line. You too, are investing a lot of time for nothing if you don’t make a move. Don’t you realize that the longer you pull this off, the harder it will be for BOTH of us to find ANYONE to date. As OM stated when I asked for advice on this, why on earth would any guy want to date me if I spend three hours into the night talking with another dude no matter how close we are? This applies to you too because I can guarantee you that no future girlfriend will find you cute talking to another woman for three hours just to chitchat. Don’t kid yourself, we’re programmed to be jealous and we will never stop nagging you for it.

So, is it because there’s something blocking you in wanting all of this or are you that slow that you can’t make up your mind? My patience is drying up and I don’t know how much longer I can wait for you no matter how awesome you are and how much I love you for what you mean to me. Sayonara, dude.

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