Apologue #49: Slooooooow Men

One of my pet peeves when it comes to dating is slow men. You know who you are and what I mean. Men that are indecisive and don’t know what they want. It drives me up the wall. Frankly, it should drive any woman up the wall and bat crazy at that. If you’re just slow and that’s how you date, that’s alright. But if you’re slow whilst still doing all the flirting and talking late into the night bit — I no longer know if you just want some booty or you’re just.that.thick.

Take for example, my college buddy, Theo. Yes, the one who “led” me on but didn’t know because of his lack of relationships. (Click here and read bulletin No.2). Sure he drove me crazy for almost two years of our friendship and yes, I did invest a heck of a lot of time and effort to make him see me for who I am, which of course crashed and burned because he was just.that.slow. It was horrendous. I don’t even like talking about.

Maybe there’s a breed of men that are just supposed to be hard to read or figure out. Maybe they reside in some kind of neutral zone, like Switzerland! between the sexes and that’s why they’re awesome because they are generally, straight heterosexual males but with androgynous features that gives them the ability to still enjoy sports and be macho but also sensitive and talk with you long hours into the night.

When I think about Theo, all I remember are our long phone conversations. This was in college too, so we definitely invested a lot of time that we shouldn’t have if we both knew where this was going, which was a dead end. Each day we awoke to texts from each other and wishing one another a good day. Which then led to texts here in there in between class periods. Then of course instant messaging (ahhh~ the days of AIM) whilst we “study” at home or the library. Then we’d both have a break and eat something and have a little of our own time to ourselves and then end the night with an average of five hours (you heard right, FIVE freaking hours) EACH night as we fall asleep to the sound of our voices and then BAM. It’s morning again and we do it all over again.

I’m not crazy and I kid you not, that’s what I did with him for 2 freaking years and pondering WHEN THE HELL HE’LL STRAP ON HIS BALLS AND ASK ME THE FREAK OUT. Of course, in the end I gave up. Me and my naive self could no longer hold on patiently and I was frustrated to the point where I thought my pride would break. I left without looking back and don’t give him the time any more. He, on the other hand, has no idea what caused the change in our friendship. He’s still single and has always been single. Good riddance.

Isn’t this ridiculously frustrating? What is it? Don’t you really know? It’s not that hard to figure out what you want, right? What are you hiding and calculating for you to take this long? The reason I’m frustrated thinking about this all over again is because I’m yet again in a situation where I am a sitting duck with another Theo. I don’t know why I put through with it again.

Example number two is my dear friend, Ron. You all remember, Ron, my sweetheart. Update on him now is that he’s broken up with said girlfriend a month ago and is single and ready to mingle. He’s single which definitely makes me feel better about not having to worry about shying him away but now we’re talking more than ever again and it’s confusing again. I know I stated before that with him, I should make some more changes and take more chances because I felt like I lost something great when he got himself a girlfriend. But now, months later, that feeling of infinite is gone and I’m back to square one where I was with him.

We still do two to three hour phone conversations and texts along the way. When mentioning the time I’ve been spending on Ron to one of my friends, they were extremely happy of the circumstances but the minute I mentioned if this doesn’t seem all too familiar and pop in Theo’s name, my friend sat there stunned with a worried expression and was silently cursing throughout our conversation. She knows how bad it was and doesn’t want me to endure that all over again. Which I surely hope I don’t make the same mistake of dragging this one on for years into the future. I no longer have the strength.

But really, men. Sometimes I just don’t understand what you’re doing. Even when I know it’s not a booty call and I know you’re not that kind of guy — why on earth are you tormenting not only us, but yourself with this? It’s not just us that’s putting our time and effort on the line. You too, are investing a lot of time for nothing if you don’t make a move. Don’t you realize that the longer you pull this off, the harder it will be for BOTH of us to find ANYONE to date. As OM stated when I asked for advice on this, why on earth would any guy want to date me if I spend three hours into the night talking with another dude no matter how close we are? This applies to you too because I can guarantee you that no future girlfriend will find you cute talking to another woman for three hours just to chitchat. Don’t kid yourself, we’re programmed to be jealous and we will never stop nagging you for it.

So, is it because there’s something blocking you in wanting all of this or are you that slow that you can’t make up your mind? My patience is drying up and I don’t know how much longer I can wait for you no matter how awesome you are and how much I love you for what you mean to me. Sayonara, dude.

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I Just Can’t


I’m mad at myself, not you.

I’m mad for always being nice,
always apologizing for things I didn’t do,
for getting attached,
for making you my life,
depending on you,
wasting my time on you,
thinking about you,
forgiving you,
wishing for you,
dreaming of you.

But most of all, for not hating you, which I know I should . . .

But I just can’t.

Picture Perfect

“Life is full of surprises and adventures, but sometimes it’s the seemingly ordinary moments that make life special. Picture Perfect is a tribute to those little moments and a reminder to cherish each and every day.” The Jubilee Project is one of my favorite channels on YouTube, you should definitely check out more of their work, it’s all so wonderful. Here’s to another beautifully made short film that I wanted to share with everyone. Enjoy! 🙂

Apologue #46: My Six Types of Love

Within the many different archetypes of loves in this world, I have tuned myself to remember the six types that most people will encounter in their lives. Some were good, some were not so hot, and some were downright outrageous but experience-wise, it was all good in the name of love. Who knew there were so many types? Let’s go see what we can dig up!

First is Eros: a passionate, physical and emotional love based on aesthetic enjoyment aka the stereotypical “romantic” love. This one is the hot spot of all relationships. The most memorable and fun, romantic and blissful. It’s the one where you can’t entangle your hands away from each other and you’re not particularly doing anything but constantly attached to the hip.

I try to be romantic every once in a while even though I dream of romanticism every day. But the one I remember most in this type of love was with a dear friend. Our emotions and experiences were constantly challenged and heightened with each new experience because everything was so new both of us. There’s tingling just by locking eyes even though you aren’t kissing, your smile feels like it’s hooked up onto your ears and you can’t help it because everything that your eyes see feels like a dream and feels so surreal, his small touch on your hair sends shivers down your spine — it’s just unbelievable. I don’t know if it was because I was young and naive or because this was the first time in everything, but you get hooked like a drug, wishing you’ll never come back to reality.

Ludus: a love that is played as a game or sport; think conquest. Toying with someone’s emotions and playing them for sport, thinking of conquest, is WRONG. You can’t conquer over someone. Sure, you could dominate, heck, it could even potentially be called a game even in the idea of thinking of the whole relationship concept as a “dating game.” That’s as far and close as I have ever gotten my hands dirty in the thrilling idea of the “chase” in pursuit of gaining someone’s heart driven from my true feelings.

Storge: an affectionate love that slowly develops from friendship, based on similarity. This love is everybody’s sappy first love. It’s the story we all know and always talk about. You either learn from it or get real hurt by it. It’s tough love falling for a close friend. My advice, the relationships you make from friends are best from friendships with long histories because even if it doesn’t work out in the end, the friendship may still take a toll but will eventually come back with some leeway because of the friendship history to come back on. Short term friendships don’t work so hot in these areas.

Pragma: love that is driven by the head, not the heart. This is a problem area for me because I feel that since I’m very calculative, I’m always in this area in the scheme of beginning relationships. I can’t help myself to plan out the ideas and see prospects of what could happen. I watch out for my own back too many times that I missed out on great opportunities. No one feels romantic by someone who uses their heads too much in a heart-filled place. As a woman, I’ve learned that it’s okay to be strong, but every once in a while, you need to lean on your man and trust him in order for things to come into perspective.

Mania: obsessive love; experiencing great emotional highs and lows, also being very possessive and often jealous lovers. I can confidently say that I have never been possessive over my boyfriend. Sure, I have been jealous a couple times but I have never obsessed over him to the point where I would want to control him. That’s ridiculous. But, I have had boyfriends that had a mania love towards me where they were extremely over-protective of who I meet and where I go. I can think of two exes that fit this category perfectly solely on behavior and mental analysis.

Of the two, there was one that was a fine boyfriend all-around, but he was indeed the type that goes bonkers and just mad hare crazy when he can’t reach me. I remember one time, I was at some meeting with a couple of friends and I had my phone on vibrate in my purse and didn’t know he was calling. I had already told him where I would be but he called to reach me nonetheless. By the time the meeting was over (which was about 2 hours), I found myself with about 30 missed calls and equally 30 voicemail messages. He was the type that even though he knows where I would be, since he’s not there with me, he HAS to find out and know I’m okay and safe. Possessive much? A little bit. Controlling? Not really. But SUPER-OMEGA-OVERPROTECTIVE.

Lastly, Agape: a selfless altruistic love, like spiritual. To love someone that transcends all other meanings of love and bring out an emotional and spiritually connection of bondage between me and my literal, soul-mate — has not happened yet. This is the type of love that I am still direly searching for. I have found this type of love that I share with God, and I feel that it only exists exponentially with a deity. We as humans have too many driven feelings of joy, sadness, jealousy and fear that I don’t believe we can love another human being such selflessly. I’m sure the meaning is different between married couples, and of course a parent to a child. There is a special bond of love there and I’m sure we can love unconditionally, but to connect to a spiritual level of selfless altruistic love without any personal selfishness — I feel, among humans, seems close to impossible.

Apologue #43: I Sleep with Love Letters

I still have all the love letters that I’ve ever received in my entire life all in a shoe box under my bed. I reread them and sift through them from time to time to remind myself of the different loves that I’ve had in the past. They’re not exactly pick-me-ups on a gloomy day or tokens from the passionate loves I’ve once had to brag about to others. They’ve become parts of my memories and myself, that I would never have the heart to part with them.

Some of them are actually too painful to read again. That’s how much I can still feel them. I can feel the connection that the letter brings from the writer onto me. It’s not just a piece of paper with jumbled up words, and it most certainly isn’t something that only triggers a memory.

As I unfold each crease and read each letter I can feel the writer with each curved word that breathes the life into each sentence. I can still smell the cologne that rubbed off on the pages of letters he once wrote to write to me in a hurry, telling me not to worry and he’ll come back home soon. I can see and touch the crinkles of the dried spots with smudged letters with words I can no longer make out from once was wet tears of his and mine because we could not be together. These letters aren’t mere letters, but they breathe and live the love and youth I once shared with someone that was close to heart.

I still like love letters. I would choose to pick a love letter over anything, even today. E-mails and texting doesn’t do anything for me. I’m a little bit traditional when it comes to sappy love tales and love letters are always going to be key into entering my heart. I don’t know why I find it so endearing, but to feel that sincerity and passion along with the time to write it down, makes it seem all so true.

Apologue #16: The Seven New Basic Relationships of Today

I actually found this interesting post a couple days back (I wish I would have saved the post) that I found amusing yet satisfyingly true to today’s standards of dating compared to dating back in our grandparent’s time or even further than that. It’s sad because it’s true and it’s funny because I actually have experiences in each category. Which by the way, makes me very wary of what will happen in the dating world years after my time and my children or grandchildren will be dating and how many rules and relationship standards will change in their time. But alas, that’s for future me to worry about so let’s roll down to these “Seven Basic Relationships.”

1. The “I like him, he likes her” Relationship.
When the person you love is in love with someone else.

Ouch, yes. This one is a whammy that always hurts. It’s a classic relationship that is equally understandable in all time aspects so I’m glad it’s the first one. With my experience, I feel that I’ve had this happen quite a several times. It’s not something you want to admit or think often about but it happens often because no one can constantly be in love with just, you. This happened a few times with my friend Harry (check back to Apologue #6). As much as we had moments that only we share, Harry has also had one other woman on his other side (which is also who is seeing currently). When timing was against us, he always had his lady friend. When he was away from his lady friend and wanted to pursue me, I always had someone else. We did this back and forth for so many years that I’ve lost count. But we’ve officially haven’t pursued one another in the past four years, so I feel safe so say that we’re both in a place where we belong. This kind of relationship really conflicts with your emotions and it’s something that I personally feel is a waste of your time and shouldn’t linger no matter how much you like your significant other. If they are looking towards someone else and their feelings are true to that matter, than there really is no point trying to block them or make them see your way. Now, having that said, isn’t it odd to want to make someone like you back instead of their own accord? I personally don’t know how happy I would be with someone who made me like them and start a relationship . . . So my advice is it’s better to give up and go look for someone else, and maybe the second time around, they may be available.

2. The “Everyone knows, except them” Relationship.
When two people act like they are together, even though they do not admit it, they still show it.

Oh boo to this too. I may sound like such a downer but it’s true that I don’t like to waste my time (even when I do waste it a lot on other things so easily — at least on things and people that I believe deserve my time). When it comes to these kinds of arrangements, I know it’s a very delicate subject because you’re both trying to figure what what’s going on, but if “everyone” knows, then I’m sure your significant other does too (aka people talk). Whether they’re aren’t asking you out because they’re trying to figure out how to do it or they’re just testing the waters to see compatibility, it doesn’t matter no matter how well they show you what you mean to them until they’re actually telling you how they feel about you. You can act a couple all you want, but it’s not official unless somebody starts talking and straightening things out or it’ll just get messier and harder for you to get out of.

I had a friend that was exactly like this. Theodore and I met in college and have been inseparable friends all the way til graduation. We always hung out together, had dinners together, we’re always on the phone together; people thought we were joined at the hip. He always treated me right and I really thought we had something going on and so started prying around to see if his feelings towards me were true. Sadly, it was literally like he had no effing clue what he was doing. People everywhere thought we’ve already started dating but he had no idea that the actions and words he was saying were really things that people in relationships would do or say. Turns out that Theo has never had a girlfriend and so everything he does was all out of generosity and his mother’s upbringing of him being a good gentleman. It was really tough for me because I thought (and so did everyone else) we could have something real. We carried on like this for almost two years thinking that maybe he’ll snap out of his stupidity and ask me out on a real date. It’s a very sad thing indeed that even to this day, he still has no clue how much he “led me on” with his good-natured gentlemanly ways.

3. The “Love/Hate” Relationship.
When two people fight or argue to make others think they do not have feelings for each other.
I feel that this one is a bit tricky. I don’t know if you’re purposely arguing in front of others to prove you don’t have anything when clearly you do, or you can’t help but argue because of difference in views but still love each other. Either way, both relationships do exist. I’ll pick the latter because that’s the one I have experience with.

Richard was sophisticated and a man strong with his words. He definitely had an indifferent sense of humor and enjoyed reading Poe by candlelight and red wine because that’s what all Poe enthusiasts should do. He was proper but loved taboo. Many nights we would sit arguing over different debate topics and every night, he’d pretty much had me whipped. I didn’t like how his views were so strong and so one-sided but I loved the man that he was, not what of he argued. Our views on religion, politics, literature ALL clashes, but it was our differences that intrigued both of us and probably the cause of what drew us together in the first place. I learned a great deal from Richard. He is one of the few I would never forget.

4. The “Friend Zone” Relationship.
When the person you love only sees you as a close friend.
I feel that I hear this everywhere I go. It’s always talk of the “friend zone” or “I love my best friend.” I have seen and heard some pretty harsh ones out there and sadly, not only is it pitiful if you are the one with the feelings but very manipulate if you are the other that has no feelings. Usually the stories that I hear most when it comes to the “friend zone” are really horrible, I don’t think I’ve ever heard one that was decent and worth thinking over to help the poor guy or gal. The things of horror that I hear about how they bought them an iPod, or a ring, or a car and they STILL haven’t blinked an eye, makes absolutely no sense. It’s makes no sense because it’s BS. Simple as that. It just makes me so sad to hear friends having sacrificed so much for the person they care so deeply about, and the receiver does nothing but willingly takes everything given to them. I really don’t know how some people can just do that as if that is to be expected to have feelings for you. I apologize if I overstepped on some toes, but if you have a story about your friend zone that wasn’t manipulative and sacrificial, please share some with me because I have heard no good stories that have come through and I need more enlightenment.

5. The “Just Kidding” Relationship.
When two people keep breaking up and getting back together.
As ridiculous as this sounds, yes, this one has happened to me too. And just to save the torment of numerous long stories, we got back together twice (so in my defense, it wasn’t all that bad). But you know, these kinds of relationships are really a joke. You can yammer at me all you want, but let me tell you something from my end of the experience in these situations — it doesn’t mean you love them or he loves you and keeps coming back. What this does mean is that a person can change but not as fast or as something you want them to, so you end it and leave but keep coming back and give them too many chances to false hopes and promises the other end can’t keep. It’s relationships that have nothing good in store for you and it’s definitely something you shouldn’t keep coming back for. I know it’s hard because you want to keep your faith in them to change, but seriously, once is enough. If they can’t get their act straight after one chance, there really is no point giving them extra chances for something that can’t be fixed to them if they don’t think it’s broken. End of story.

6. The “Best Friend” Relationship.
When a boy and a girl are just friends, but at one point, they fall in love with each other.
This scenario pretty much sums up most of my relationships. I don’t date strangers that I just met at the mall (STRANGER DANGER!) or go on random drinking soirees with someone I met at a bar. Call me old-fashioned but I like taking steps in getting to know someone, bonding friendships, and then seeing something more and then perhaps dating relations. It’s hard for me to date someone I know nothing of (not that I haven’t dated anyone besides friends), it’s just that I get nervous to find out if they are ax murderers or dungeon masters. So when it comes to the “Best Friend” Relationship, I feel that this is the best bet on most people. We all have someone that is our closest buds that we just can’t live without. You know, that special someone that you dragged every clothing store to, told all your dirty secrets, and knows that you startle yourself to the sound of your own fart when you’re napping but assures you it was them and you still fall asleep (SO did not happen). But you know who I mean, and they are the best. If everything works out perfect and you can be with them forever, I’m so happy for you and I wish you nothing but the best. Because that’s what I’m still looking for. If you’re out there and still looking for this like me, don’t give up because there’s more of us out there than you think, so don’t lose faith.

7. Lastly, the “If You’re Lucky” Relationship.
When the person you fall in love with, falls in love with you
.
At times we do rely on luck to get us by and boy don’t we ever rely a lot on that when it comes to the beginning stages of relationships! When it comes to my puppy love, I believe that Peter was a very big blessing in my life. He really did bring me a lot of luck. We shared many wonderful experiences together and most of them were our first of everything. We shared our first date, our first hand-holding, our first kiss — and when I look back at these lucky moments, luck really played a big part because I feel that it’s so hard to meet someone and both fall in love with at the same time. I think love is such a miraculous and powerful thing. It doesn’t come easy and it certainly does not happen as often as it should. To us it all sounded easy because we were nothing but young teens at this time (Peter is the protagonist of Apologue #1) but as I grow older and wiser with the knowledge of heartfelt emotion, it was really miraculous how we had that one summer of fairy tale-like love that sprouted on us like dandelions even though it is true that it ended like the gusts of wind that blew the seed heads away.

After reading through each category and adding a little bit of myself as well, I feel that I too, fall under these new relationships that are encircling us in this time. As much as I thought I was traditional and classical, one can’t really fall out of the time they live in no matter how different their views. As much as I scoffed and thought these relationships were silly, I took part in all of them. I feel that there are more out there in the making or some that didn’t make the list. Already I can think of some on the top of my head and it’s The “I love him but he doesn’t know I exist” Relationship or The “I’m in love with a fictional character” Relationship (which by the way, I also have experience with aha). But you know, it really doesn’t matter what kind of relationship you are in because the only thing that matters most is who you are in love with now. It can be your friend, your neighbor, your brother’s friend — I don’t care — but as long as you’re true to your feelings and you’re working hard to make it work for the person you care about, there’s nothing else that should matter more. Good luck!

Apologue #6: We’re Just . . . Friends


I think this topic has a soft spot in all of us. I, myself, don’t have a very secure stance when it comes to “can men and women really just be friends.” It’s a touchy subject because I feel, and in all honesty, I haven’t had a male friend who just stayed as a friend from start to finish. I will say that I do have male friends where I haven’t had feelings for them but I can’t guarantee that they felt the same otherwise and also vice versa. I can’t help but feel neutral because I want to say that I truly believe there are people who can be “just friends” but I can’t back it up a 100% just from my accord. I used to be one of those people that would argue and say, “Of course we’re friends! Why can’t we be?” But the older I got, I’ve come to the realization that my thoughts on this have slowly changed. When I was younger (say, middle school and high school, perhaps) I believed strongly that we could be friends. But with college and now after, I don’t think we can indefinitely be just friends because you start looking for potential dates and marriage candidates from your friends since they make the best relationships. No one knows you and understands you better than your friends. And let’s be honest, after college, the dating field decreases at a very fast and insignificant level. College really is a marriage institution and if you’re like me that missed out, it only gets harder from here.  Which is probably why the stability of friendships shorten as well since you have no where else to turn to for a decent relationship.

I used to have no problem hanging with the guys and not have any kind of crush or drama happen back when I was younger. Now, I subconsciously start measuring out random qualities that I see from my friends when something catches my eye that I didn’t see before. I think that we can be friends up to a certain point in our lives, and then at some miraculous level where we see something different, we end up falling for each other because of those interesting tidbits that intrigue us to dive deeper into the person. But with friendship also comes risks of messing up the said “friendship,” the timing can always be off because technically, you didn’t start the friendship to have a relationship, and sometimes if you’re lucky it’ll work out and sometimes we’re unlucky and it’s never going to be the same, ever again.

I have (notice it’s not “had”) this great friend that I’ve known since the second grade. For the purpose of confidentiality, let’s call my friend, Harry. Harry and I have been inseparable since our elementary school years and I can literally say that this friend has stuck by me through thick and thin. Harry is not only my best bud but he’s like my brother, my father, and my lover. I grew up having a truck full of bullies in my younger days because I wasn’t very sociable but Harry fended for me and protected me all the way through high school like any older brother. He was like my father when I needed any kind of advice and I had no one to talk to; he always had the time to lend a ear no matter what time of day or night. And he was like my lover when I needed a date to Homecoming or a shoulder to cry on about other . . . ahem, boyfriends. He had the kindest heart, the warmest hugs, and the softest lips. Harry was such the sweetheart and I knew it. I used to tell it to him all the time. And it didn’t once cross our minds to be serious with what’s in front of us, which was that we were both single and both looking just not looking at each other. The main reason, as always, was the timing. It was always too off for the both of us. It was the usual, “he liked me but I didn’t like him and when I liked him, he didn’t like me” scenario point by point. It wasn’t too hard to figure out.

Up until after high school, our little “drama” was just puppy love and nothing too serious so we both never cared much about it. We both knew that we’d always had crushes on each other here and there but nothing to where we would sit down and talk about it. It wasn’t until maybe my freshman or sophomore year in college where Harry had a little help from our good friend, Jose Cuervo, that he called and flatly asked if we had any future together. This really caught me off guard because up until all this time, it was just good fun and games. Even when we dated for about three months back in our senior year of high school, we never took anything so seriously, so why now? I asked him what came over him so suddenly. He replied by stating that we indeed have something special and definitely something we won’t be able to find elsewhere. We have history and a story to tell our grandchildren, about how he fell in love to the shy girl with the ponytail and floral shorts and tie-dyed t-shirts. How he forgot and fell in love again to the thirteen year old girl that was subconscious about her looks and acne-bombed face but still looked radiant because of the smile on her face. How he forgot again and fell in love with the sixteen year old heartbroken girl that worries she’ll never fall in love with the perfect guy again and isn’t afraid to bawl it out to let it all pass. And now, that we’re both older and wiser, and getting ready to embark on a new journey towards adulthood, wouldn’t want to go alone but together because it’ll be the best damned thing that will ever happen to the both of us.

After hearing that, I was terrified. This is the part where most girls would probably say yes and have their happily ever after. But to me, this was the part where I lay confused and awake for nights trying to figure out how he was so sure and how I wasn’t. He was willing to risk our friendship of thirteen or so years to fight for his happiness and wasn’t afraid of what he might lose if I had said no, but I STILL wasn’t sure because I was more terrified of losing him because I’m already halfway to saying no than saying yes. I was at a bypass. I know that a part of me wanted so much for this to happen but the logical part of me was stopping me for being rash. What if it works out? Sure you’ll be happy and would probably have a great relationship and even possible marriage. But what if it stops at relationship before marriage and everything breaks? Not only is the relationship gone but the friendship is gone with it. Why wouldn’t I be terrified? This is the problem of being a girl. We’re too calculating and we foresee too much into the future to make sure we don’t get hurt in the long run.

But the main thing is, I said no. And I have regretted it ever since I said it. The minute I actually said no, it all felt so wrong. Never in my life did I know at that moment I should have said yes, but it was too late. I couldn’t take it back. I already hurt his feelings and things weren’t the same for a good year and half after that. We didn’t speak to each other and we didn’t do anything to contact one another. In the end, he called me back first and we slowly rekindled our friendship. We had too much history to let it all disappear over one night of disagreement. Sure, our friendship wasn’t the same from before but I can happily say it has gotten stronger because of what we went through together. We had overcome and embarked another new chapter in our lives and we still care and love each other to this day.

Since then, Harry has been in a strong and long relationship with a friend from high school. He isn’t quite happy because he’s been wanting to marry since we graduated from high school yet he’s still a bachelor. He currently shares a home with his girlfriend and is waiting for the right time to propose but I personally don’t see it happening because she isn’t interested in marriage. When I hear and see these painful times that Harry has to go through, I sometimes wonder if I would have ended his misery or worse yet, maybe I would have been the very woman that is making him go through these hardships. I still care for and love him very deeply. Sometimes, from time to time, I’ll be honest but the feelings for him come back. But I don’t want to be the “other woman.” I would never do that to another woman. So, I genuinely wish they would get married soon just so I can finally be at peace with that part in my heart because Harry will always be my brother, my father, my boyfriend.