Apologue #50: Ignorance is the Best Policy

THIS IS A RANT POST AND YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Okay, having this established that I’ll be rambling, this is something that boils me over every single time even when, I too, am a woman. It’s just that some girls baffle me to the point where I think my brain is on the verge of exploding. This has nothing to do with age, whether you know the right facts, or what you think is the best choice for yourself because you can’t make the right decisions if you have NO  COMMON SENSE.

I have experience in teaching safe sex education not just to youths and teenagers but adults too. Having been a peer counselor, I am very comfortable in talking about any areas that people have questions about when it comes to relationships and sex, contraceptives and STDs, as well as trauma cases. I actually encourage people to always ask me questions if there are any gray areas or if they are confused about anything (and I mean, ANYTHING). And I have done this long enough to not judge people in whatever problems they bring me. My priority as a counselor and educator, is to always help you first.

BUT, let me just note the fact, that it will tick me off quite a few times, when I tell you to be straightforward with me and encourage you to be honest, but you wait too long until after the problem has happened and thus creating a even bigger problem, and THEN you still want me to help you fix it. I still won’t judge you but I will be very disappointed and upset with you. This kind of irresponsible behavior, acting like headless chickens or off-the-wall hormonal teenagers, will indeed, make me want to rip your head off. Why ask for help now after the aftermath when these have now become your consequences? Do you not know it’s just that much harder to help you now? And you wonder why therapists have high levels of stress.

To explain my rants better, today was just one of those days. A friend (I know!) was scared that she might be pregnant with her boyfriend’s baby and she didn’t know what to do about it. Now, having said that, she was asking for help and I was more than willing to be with her every step of the way. It wasn’t until I got curious to ask just how they’be been managing their sex life when she got so scared from “possibly” being pregnant.

Surprise, surprise. No knowledge of safe sex. No knowledge of contraceptives, even off the counter medications. No knowledge of even understanding and knowing how sex should feel. But the scariest fact of them all, is that she has had other sexual partners before yet she still didn’t know anything remotely basic. She’s been living a life of disarray without any knowledge about taking better care of herself and her body. Seriously? SERIOUSLY?? 

Seriously, you’re in your twenties! How did you live life without knowing any of this vital information? Did your mother never tell you? Did your school never have sex education when you were younger? If no one has ever told you, why did you never ask? You know this is my area of expertise and I’m your friend, why did you not come sooner? If you were too embarrassed, pick up a book. If you don’t know what books to find, my gawd, just Google it. The sources are everywhere. You just did not care.

This may seem like useless ranting, but I’m also stating it because I genuinely care about people and what happens to them. Especially if it was problems that could have been prevented. If you need help, if you have questions, if you need answers, just talk to me. It’s that simple. I will be your confidante. I will help you to the best of my abilities so that I can meet your needs. This obtains to all my followers and people that don’t even follow me. I don’t care. Sex is more serious than we take it for.

I may sound old because of my style of ranting, but I’m young too just like all of you. I’m in my twenties too but I seriously believe that people, young and old, don’t take these matters as serious as they should be. Any questions?

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Apologue #42: One Chance Rule

Before you get hyped up thinking this is another one of those, “Don’t regret it so go get it” speeches or “What if he was the One” scenarios, drop the ball because this is just plain, old me and my own personal dating persona. The “One Chance Rule” is a simple dating rule that I gave myself years ago regarding my choices in men.

Basically it means, no matter who you are and what you do, if you ask me out (and all respectively, like any good gentleman would ask me out) — I give you a chance. But see, here’s the thing, you better impress me real good because all you get is that ONE chance — ONE shot to make it big or go home (and alone).

Now, I don’t go parading this tidbit about myself that I’ll accept any date, but the relief you give the man that bravely came up to you, to ask you out for a simple coffee date, or a lunch/dinner date, and to see that sigh of pure bliss from his face once you say yes, is always a golden treat for him and for you. Look how happy he/she looks! Trust me, you can’t forget it so easily. Besides, what harm can come from an hour or two of getting to know each other better? Not to forget some free munchies if he’s generous too?

Now, to weed out stranger danger, this rule does only apply if you’re in my vicinity of areas that I’m wandering in, say — workplace, school, etc. I do not, and I repeat, DO NOT apply this rule if I have NEVER seen the man in my life. Literally, if you came up to me on the side of the road and randomly asked me out, heck no I’m not saying yes. BUT I will say yes if I don’t know you but we work at the same firm, or had a class together, something like that. You have to be around the comfort of my social pool.

Even with that, I have met my fair share of creepers. But no worries, just turned out to be harmless creepers once you talk it out with your date. It’s really not that bad. Quite a few stories to tell afterwards to your girlfriends too, it’s awesome.

But the point being to my dating rule, I’m not trying to be nice. I’m far from it. But the idea that you never know what could happen between you and the person in front of you, is quite thrilling in the romantic sense. Call me a romantic, but I feel that the best kind of love is always going to be with the person most unexpected, at the most unexpected of times. And one shot, is all I need to figure that out, it really isn’t that hard.

I also have a part of me that truly believes that I could fall in love with anyone. We dream up fantasies of the perfect guy with the perfect hair and abs and smile — but reality isn’t so nice and dreamy that we can date these dreamboats from any corner of any place. That’s why for me, instead of me chasing butterflies and getting my hopes up, I’ll never know what kind of butterflies will come to me if I keep running around and getting winded.

And so you never know. Sometimes, you can have the privilege to see parts of people that no one else ever gets a chance to see and those, could be the exact pinpoints of how you could fall in love with anyone, should you choose to let that chance happen. It’s quite wonderful and remarkable who you can meet and get to know, only by saying a simple, “yes.”

Give it a shot. What do you have to lose?

Love Quote #8: “I Love You”



In Japan, there happens to be three ways to say the phrase, “I love you.”

You say, “Daisuki (大好き)” for the friends and person you like.

You say, “Aishiteru (愛してる)” for a more serious relationship.

And, “Koishiteru ( 恋してる)” to the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

And they follow this rule.

They preserve the meaning of “I love you” and never lose its essence, unlike the rest of us.

Love Quote #7: Late Bloomer

When life and love are referenced into flowers I feel that my personal life motto  is: “A flower that wilts before it blooms.” I’ve heard it from someone before, sadly enough. It was actually my mentor, confidante, and dear friend. And I believe he knew what he was talking about.

He knows the path that I have walked, the loves that have crossed before me, and the pain that has crashed along the way. He knows how emotional I am even though I don’t show it, and he knows just how much I have gone through in my short life to really know how I am and how I view life.

So when he said, he sees me he can see a flower that wilts before it has a chance to bloom, I believe it because I can feel it. All the pain and sorrows, the loves that could have been but were never meant to be, and just how tired and exhausted I am (already) before I had a chance to show anything good about myself to the world.

I’m a late bloomer for sure. And what an incredible father Mulan had to encourage her along her challenges in life (my father is awesomely supportive too, but does wish I get married soon). Time to raise my chin up high, smile bright, and wait to finally bloom at the right time.

Apologue #38: False Hope

When a person has feelings for you, the best and obvious thing that you can do in return is to have feelings for them too. But if for some reason you cannot, then the next best thing you can do for them is to be strict about letting them know you can’t return the favor. It may sound harsh, but to let them know as soon as possible, that you can’t see them being in a relationship with you and telling them that there is no hope, should be clearly recognized and your responsibility for letting them know that.

The reason being, is that if you are not clear with them, they will always keep that small amount of hope somewhere in the back of their heart and mind, and will continually wait for you and not be able to move on and find someone else that can cherish them and love them the way they do for you now. However, people instinctively want and desire love from as many people they can receive from thus even if they can’t receive love from certain people, we keep hoping that that can change and we can accept love from everyone we want to love.

There are too many cases where we make excuses instead of being honest when it comes down to turning people away that have confessed their feelings for us. There are so many times when we drunk dial someone that we don’t even care about and say sappy things such as wanting to hear their voice, or go on dates with people we have no intention of starting a relationship with, break up with someone because we no longer have feelings for them but lie and say because there are problems at home, cannot forget a past lover, or even say that we want to concentrate more on our careers at the moment — these are all lies and excuses that we make thinking they’ll get the message, but usually and in most cases, it’s not enough. Why? Because for the person with the feelings, these are all problems that can be fixed and worth waiting for if feelings are strong enough. So what does that mean? Those actions mean nothing because there is still hope. Those excuses are nothing but something that will only cause them disappoint, sadness, and vexation that will cling to their hearts and leave them wounds but still will keep fighting for your love.

For all these excuses instead of being honest, I call all these situations as false hope. It’s pretty much torturous. And for someone who has so much feelings for just liking you for who you are, no one should deserve that kind of pain. If for whatever reason you can never love them in return and you know it, the least you can do as something favorable for the thanks of having such strong emotions towards you, is leaving them without an ounce of hope to hold on to and turning them away so they can quickly move on and find someone else to love. It may be brutal to them at first, but I can guarantee you, that they’ll thank you for it later.

Apologue #35: Fantasies Gone Wrong

I feel that I shouldn’t daydream or fantasize about Mr. Right anymore. As a woman and a young girl at heart, this will definitely be a challenge but it’ll make my love life so much easier. Let me break down the dirty details.

Two weeks ago, as I was visiting friends back in my college town, I also got in touch with my good friend, Timothy. My lunch date with Tim was actually right after my breakfast brunch with Ron the same day. Go figure. Anyways, Tim and I are friends but we’re not greatly acquainted yet. We have hung around each other with large groups of other friends but never alone to just talk, this lunch was our first date.

To brief up Tim, he’s a real sweet and hard-working kind of guy. He is nerdy and quite brainy, but he also knows when to let it loose and have fun too. Tim is hard to talk about because I can say a lot of what he can do but I can’t talk much about what he’s like. I know him well but I don’t know of him.

But the Tim that I do know, I am very attracted to. I like his nerdy persona and his geeky ways. One day we’d be talking about linguistics and why the English language changes meanings in its course over generations and then next, he’ll randomly burst out to Disney songs with his guitar. He’s not spontaneous but he can be unpredictable. That’s what makes him an awesome nerd. So I’d be lying if I said I haven’t thought about him from time to time.

I’ve daydreamed about him before and how our life would be if we’d been together. I feel that it would be a lot of fun but at the same time we’d know when to buckle down and be serious too. We’d have Doctor Who marathons as we snuggle on the couch and then dress up as wizards and witches on Halloween and brew up Butterbeer for our friends at our dinner parties. For leisure we’d read and sing Disney songs together and put on our own show of the entire movie with no one to show. At least, that’s how I fantasized what kind of couple we’d be.

I haven’t thought of him much lately until recently one couple started to suggest that we should start seeing each other and that we’d make a cute couple. We’re both nerdy, have the same interests, and are looking for a good companion. So, why not? I called him up for a lunch date to see if there really can be something good between us the minute I arrived into town.

The lunch date turned out to be a lot of fun. It wasn’t at all awkward considering we haven’t talked in the past couple of months, and we really got caught up in the moment of just getting to know each other better. I was really surprised and happy to know that even though I thought he wasn’t interested in me per se, at least he remembered my areas of interest, what programs I was interested in when it comes to studying and thinking about going back to school, which honestly isn’t something hard to remember unless the person is at least a good friend. So it was a good thing to know that at least, he and I are at a good starting point.

But throughout lunch as I was asking about his future plans and if he’s been seeing anyone, I was glad he was honest with me and told me how he went on a blind date recently, but other than that he has no interest of starting anything with anyone new any time soon. Even when I hinted of my availability and seeing if he’d catch up to what I was referring, he was reserved and his body language with his arms crossed throughout our conversation was sign sure enough that he wasn’t interested.

Not to also forget that as I was sitting there and talking to him, I really got to feel what I was fantasizing about him, and it turns out that he wasn’t at all like what I thought he would be. Sure, I really wouldn’t know given that I haven’t personally dated him. But even while we were together, he wasn’t his nerdy self — he seemed more refined, reserved, and strangely critical. He wasn’t at all the warm and carefree nerd that I found attractive. Picture Chandler from “Friends” that suddenly changed into a Sheldon from “The Big Bang Theory.” Get the picture? Both attractive respectively but not what I came looking for with Tim.

I’m not really a forward person but I am the type that doesn’t want to lose a good chance when given the opportunity. I felt that he and I could have something special and considering how I no longer reside in the same place that he is in now, I felt that this type of chance where I can see him wouldn’t come often so I did all that I felt be fit for the timing. Sure, it didn’t turn out well but at least I know that we may not have been compatible as I had dreamed we would be.

So, what am I trying to say? Stop all girls from fantasizing their Mr. Right? No. That’s an impossibility. But at least have the sense to get to know who you’re fantasizing first before you start making up things that don’t even exist would be a great start. I knew that guy enough to fantasize what we would be doing together what I found enjoyable and I know he finds enjoyable too, but it turns out I was still wrong because maybe that’s something he doesn’t do to be intimate with a girlfriend. I’ll never know. But maybe toning down the fantasies can help you in seeing and getting to know the guy you’re crushing on before you break yourself within your own bubble. It’s not a good feeling having to burst your own bubble from a fantasy gone wrong.

Apologue #33: Cheaters Always Prosper

This is a story about my ex-boyfriend, Liam. Liam was my boyfriend that I dated on and off for about a year and a half, and a man that I actually asked out, guts and all (check out Apologue #15). Liam was such a gentleman that I couldn’t miss the opportunity of such a fine catch and so did my all in pursuing him. Never in a million years would I have thought that he would be the protagonist of tonight’s tale.

It was Christmas of last year. I had been impatiently waiting on callbacks from my job interviews and had been rampaging around town as a madwoman. I had a feeling that I would be leaving the town I had been residing in and was in high hopes of hearing good news of starting new in an unknown place where no one would know me (I kind of find that mysteriously romantic). With that feeling of leaving town in mind, I had felt bad to Liam, but I wanted to spend my last Christmas with my closest friends.

To explain better, Liam and I had heard wedding bells in the distance and I had figured that he would understand the circumstances considering we would have many more Christmases to come to share together. To me, I felt that this may be the first and last Christmas I would be able to spend with my friends since I’d be moving. Liam, of course, was really upset. We didn’t have anything planned so I thought it would be alright. But Liam was upset nonetheless since Christmastime is all about lovers cuddling by the fire, drinking hot cocoa, and watching holiday classics (he was a gentleman and a romantic!)

I said I was really sorry and that I would make up for it and in the end he said it was alright that I go spend time with my friends for Christmas Eve but Christmas Day, was all his. It was the perfect arrangement. Or so I had thought.

Christmas Eve to me wasn’t even extravagant either with my friends. A friend of mine came over first and we talked and watched, “The Holiday” together while snacking up on candy canes and hot chocolate. We were killing time before we could meet up with his girlfriend that was getting off of work at 11 pm and then going over to the workplace of another friend to exchange gifts and hang out because he was getting off at 11:30 pm. Everywhere else was closed on Christmas Eve, so we just sat in the cold exchanging gifts and just talking until the cold got the best of us. I believe we all respectively got home around 1-ish to call it a night. Absolutely no drinking, no parties, just good quality time with close friends.

Around the same time I was with my friends, my lonesome boyfriend decided to take a stroll of his own to the local supermarket before it would close to stock up on some late night snacks and wine. It was here that he ran into another group of my friends that he’s also good friends with (mutual friends respectively). It was here where he decided to invite them all over to his place to drink the night away. I heard he invited three of our girl friends and two of our guy friends.

They drank and talked till about two in the morning and then all decided to leave for home. It was then, where one of my girl friend’s got really drunk and insisted she didn’t want to go anywhere until she sobered up. Other people from that night have said they could drive her home but she repeatedly insisted she didn’t want to leave her car behind and that she would rather sleep in her car than have someone drop her off. My boyfriend tried to sober her up with water and coffee but she had drunk too much and nothing was working. He said he felt responsible and so insisted he would personally drop her off and thus, left his place with everyone whilst they were all leaving too.

This is where it gets fun. My boyfriend does manage to take her all the way home but my friend refuses to get out of the car. For whatever reason she stated, he listened and then brought her straight back to his place. I still don’t know what their conversation was about but I guess it doesn’t really matter anymore. Anyways, he tried once again to sober her up and then without further ado, decided to just keep her company until she sobers up on her own. Since she wasn’t fit for any conversation, he then laid her down on his bed for her to rest and then was about to head into his living room where he would crash until suddenly she said that she wanted to sleep with him.

Very direct, I know. Without even a second to think of the outcome, they did and she woke up the next morning and told me on Christmas day what had happened and ruined my evening and my holiday. She stated how it was so unlike herself and how guilty she had felt and I genuinely appreciated her honesty. She also told me about how she had secretly had a crush on him for over a year and being friends with him has been very hard on her. And now this. She didn’t know what to do and was asking me for help.

This is where it becomes strange. I’m heartbroken and shocked. But I wasn’t mad at her or upset at her in the least. I could feel her guilt and the pain she had gone through of secretly liking him all this time while I was dating him. I felt how hard it must have been every time she had seen us together and how I talked about him in front of her. I saw signs before but I never acted on them because he was dating me already. I guess I just pushed it away knowing nothing would happen between the two.

Even now when it did happen, I still wasn’t upset at her for what she had done. At least she had the decency to tell me straightaway the very next day. My boyfriend didn’t breathe a word when I met him. After hearing her side of the story and helping her the best way I could, I waited for him to call me for our Christmas dinner plans that I had promised. When he did, he didn’t sound any different, maybe he did but it seemed he was just full of Christmas spirit, nothing dramatically different.

He talked of how he got movies for us to watch all night long, along with a dinner he made himself just for me, and bottles of my favorite moscato to share. I was so cold to him. I was so upset and angry that anger wouldn’t even come out. All I said was that I didn’t want to see him tonight and that I wanted to be alone and he just knew that I had heard everything already. He said he would come right over but I said I wouldn’t dare open the door for him until he was ready to admit everything. I could feel how tense he was on the other side.

We didn’t see each other until three days after the incident. In three days, everything was resolved. To him, me refusing to see him on Christmas was like the severing of the relationship. I guess I would have to agree although we didn’t talk anything through. When I finally met him and we talked, all he said was that he was sorry and how foolish he was. He stated that the alcohol got the best of him which I don’t agree because he’s a strong drinker. Not to mention he was okay enough to drive in the first place and try to help out my friend. To sleep with her was all on him because he made the choice. It’s not like my friend jumped on him, he did out of his own free will. But then, he started saying about how he was going to take responsibility for his actions and be with my friend because there may be chances she could get pregnant since there was no protection involved. He did all the talking and I just sat there.

He never said anything about starting a new relationship with her when he was talking to my friend on what they should do. But he told her he would be by her side and take responsibility of her if anything did happen. She took it knowing whatever they would have together may never last forever. To her, even temporary was enough.

It deeply upsets me when I see these two individually. She — could do much better. Temporary should never be enough, no matter how much you love someone. Knowing a relationship would never last is not going to be blissful. And starting one based off of sex and an affair, will never get you far. He will hurt her someday just like he hurt me.

Him — I want to commend him for his responsibilities from his actions but at the same time, I don’t know how he could be that forward to me in admitting his wrongs and leaving so easily. I will never know if he was unhappy in our relationship or if he had no sexual desires with me. We never got as far as he did with my friend. We had plans of marriage, yes, but did he really love me and cherish me? I will never know.

I still have thoughts wondering if the reason we had never slept together was his act of cherishing me as a woman and waiting until the right time or there was no sexual desire in me as  a woman and thus he never wanted to sleep with me. When we were together, the idea of sex never came up because both of us were never interested in it in the first place. To briefly explain Liam’s character, he’s a nerd that was working on his doctorates with hobbies consisting of painting, photography and cooking. I’m a nerdy gal that does counseling as a living with hobbies of listening and playing music, movie fanaticism and writing. Get the picture?

We’re two nerds in a pod. It took months for us to even get to hold hands! But he suddenly cheats on me by sleeping with one of my best friends? Incredible. I don’t understand how this happened. I feel it’s too out of his personality. Unless I didn’t know him well enough all this time. Imagine what I could have married into . . .

Almost a year has gone by and I’m happy to say that I have not yet run into him or talked to him. But it does still upset me when I think back on what he did to me (and at Christmas of all days!). I love Christmas so much (and that goes beyond the average person, I’m part elf) and he ruined that part of me. It’s only been a year so maybe next year I’ll liven up again, but this year was kept very minimal and not so cheery. Not to forget that this also means they have been dating for almost a year too.

Nothing happened where my friend got pregnant or he cheated on her. They managed to sum up a decent relationship and I hear from time to time, that she is very happy. Good for her, really. But him, seriously? How does he cheat and still manage to get himself a new girlfriend? I will never understand. I’m still alone and miserable just thinking how this all unraveled.

As much as I’m thankful that this happened before we got married, my trust issues and insecurities have drastically heightened just because this came from someone that wasn’t just a boyfriend. My faith in men are squat even though I know better that not all of them are like Liam. It’s just that to find the ones that aren’t, are just that much harder for me now.

Apologue #31: Creepy Coincidences

Have you ever had signs or coincidences that come across your path when it comes to relationships? Or have you gone searching for them in hopes that it leads you to a more positive light in encouraging your decisions? I’m one of those people that don’t bother too much when it comes to coincidences just because I believe it to be more of situations that were bound to happen. I will admit that I look for signs in guidance to my decision-making skills when it comes to the beginning stages of relationships. But today, the encounters that I had this past weekend are boggling my mind in a disturbing way that I feel that I should write them down in hopes of better understanding what just happened. Here’s my story . . .

I had a spur of the moment, spontaneous four day weekend granted to me by surprise from my boss which I took at first chance and went straight to a mini road trip back to my old college town of my undergrad days. It was the perfect trip to make because I had a friend that was going to get married soon that I really wanted to see and congratulate just because I couldn’t make it to their wedding in January. After spending a good amount of the weekend with the couple, I went ahead and had a brunch date with my good friend, Ron.

I’ve talked about Ron before. He’s the sweet friend of mine that doesn’t believe he is fit to be anyone’s “Prince Charming.” To fully understand what’s been bothering me, I’ll do a quick recap of our friendship relationship. Ron and I have only known each other for a good year and a half but we became close pretty instantaneously. We were in the same department back in University plus we have similar personalities. Our friendship is a great one full of spunk, secrets, and even intimacy.

There were many times when people believed we were dating. We are very comfortable with each other and have even jokingly played the “girlfriend and boyfriend” game just because it’s fun and we’re two lonely single people. Many times we would text and call each other “sweetie” or “babe” as a nickname when starting conversations. We didn’t care, it was all for show.

But I will admit that there have been few circumstances where I had my doubts about this kind of friendship we had. It definitely wasn’t friends with benefits but there was also something indifferent between us. Sometimes, these nicknames seemed real and I was confused of how well Ron would treat me. Our phone conversations were usually at least two hours each time. We frequently had dinner and coffee dates. Our shortest date on record was five hours and our longest has been twelve. And we have had moments where we both have felt and said that we didn’t want to leave each other and just talk (and talk is usually what we did.) Surprisingly, he had a lot to say for a man.

Our talks and heart-to-heart conversations were always bound to just the two of us and I trust him with all my heart. We have great emotional intimacy but never had anything physical. Then I moved away because of a new job and he stayed back. Since my move, I have only visited him twice in this first year I’ve been away. Both times great and intimate but of course only lasts a month or so before we crawl back to our daily lives and we don’t talk for months again.

So, back to my original topic of coincidences, I visited him for a brunch date this weekend and was shocked to find news that he started seeing someone. One week to be exact and I congratulated him for it. I was happy for him because he needed someone good in his life, and him dating has definitely cleared up a lot of what has happened between us until I asked what his new girlfriend was like.

It really shocked me to the core when I found that she has the same name as I do, along with the same age, same background and personality, and when he showed me a picture of her, a very similar facial structure. Like I said, I don’t believe in coincidences but this was really creeping me out. I mentioned how similar her and I were and he just laughed saying I was right and I was given nothing more.

Later, as he was talking about the process in the development of their relationship, I started to notice an emotion of despair in his voice. As much as we were similar, she does have characteristics that are of total opposite to myself and he’s been having trouble in those general areas. He shared how there are some cases where he just can’t understand her and that it’s only been just a week since their relationship started but already he’s been thinking too much and having doubts.

I tried my best to listen and give him the advice any friend would give him. I told him that she was now his priority and he must do his job in appreciating her efforts for him and that he should pay attention and also give her the benefit of the doubt. As much as I can see how much he cares for her, I had inklings of feelings that this wasn’t going to last.

He had also mentioned that he had someone else that he had liked before the start of this current relationship and that was the reason it took him so long to go along with this relationship because he didn’t succeed with the other. It made me wonder if that other person was me.

Hearing about how stressed he is hurts me as a friend. Seeing him as a man in a sudden relationship has definitely shocked me as a woman. Was I jealous of this relationship? Did I have an attraction for Ron but never noticed? Or does he look good now because he’s no longer available? These are questions that are roaming inside my head and I can’t honestly answer.

As he was looking at me for advice and pleading for the right answers in what to do, I did give him advice as I normally would have. He also noted that he may frequently call me up or text me more than usual when in dire need. I made a promise to myself that I probably wouldn’t respond unless it was an emergency. I don’t want to be the cause of what could happen if given the wrong advice. It’s better to avoid these situations altogether just in case one part of me becomes tempted to ruin his relationship so I can obtain him for myself. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself for being the “other woman.”

Am I going overboard with this? Was it all just a trick of how life is full of surprises? Some people may say these cases are synchronizations. That these kinds of things just happen to revolve around our lives consistently but we just now notice them because we want them to give us a reason in doing something about it. I’m really unsure of everything.

Should I do something about it if I feel that I need to? Should I make some changes and take some chances?

Apologue #30: Etiquette for Men at Night

I’ve been wanting to post this poster for some time now and actually waiting for the perfect time and tonight seems a perfect night as any other. After just having read the awesome vic briggs’ “Rape” blog post, I am inspired to share this poster that has been making its way around the internet since the past year. It’s a Korean poster (the author is unknown) protesting sexual harassment and violence to women. I found this poster very much to my liking and spreading it in hopes that all men can have the sense and decency in understanding why this is important. The translations are as follows:

Protesting Sexual Harassment and Violence to Women
— Etiquette for Men at Night***

1. Remember that your presence can be threatening to women walking alone at night.

2. If a woman is walking in front of you alone at night, slow down.
You walking quickly or speeding up can be and in most cases, is threatening.

3. If you have been drinking and are drunk, go straight home.

4. Do not pick a fight or aggravate women walking at night.

5. Do not take off your clothes or publicly urinate.

6. Be careful to make sure you do not touch or hit someone, even on accident (whether it be day or night).

7. If, late at night, you come to a situation in which you and a woman have to ride an elevator together, let her go up first and wait for the next elevator.

8. If there’s a woman in a public restroom (there are Korean public restrooms with no gender or sex markings that are open to all people — unisex), wait for her to finish and come out first before using the restroom.

9. Report broken streetlights to the police.

10. Tell other men about these rules and that they have a responsibility to not threaten women that are alone at night.

Love Quote #5: “Stop being Afraid of what Could go Wrong, and Think of what Could go Right.”

This is an advice I often give to friends but is so hard to apply when it comes to myself. It’s all about the risks you’re afraid to take in case something goes terribly wrong; it’s about surrounding yourself with such sturdy walls that no one can break them down; it’s about choosing to be alone but forever tormented in the idea of a lonely “What If?” With this still in mind, it may give courage to some whilst still fear to others.

To me, the beginning of relationships keep me up on my toes. I’m flirty but guarded, not to mention I’m the Queen of “Hard-to-Get.” I enjoy playing dating games and have gotten the downfall on some because my game is too strong to some folk, which have also hurt me in the process because it makes me feel that no one is up for anything I dish out. These are probably some of the reasons as to why I feel afraid of starting anything new with anyone, because of the fear of rejection or being turned away because he no longer wants to be a part of my games. This also applies to going up the next level in a relationship but afraid to know what changes there may be.

There were times, where I sheepishly can admit, that I stopped liking a guy in retrospect of how our kids could turn out. I know it sounds stupid but when he said he didn’t learn how to walk AND talk until he was almost two and admitted he was slow in the beginning surprisingly freaked me out. That was a no-no no matter how you looked at it but he was indeed a good catch that I let slip between my fingers (and these are the consequences to those “fears” that rule over you that immediately take effect after you start regretting them).

I applied this generally towards relationships but this is something that can totally change gears for your lifestyle as well. It’s all about rooting down and going forward in action to what you believe is rightfully yours. If you get rejected after asking someone out? Fine. AT LEAST, you won’t regret it later wondering if things could have gone better down the road. But what if she or he, says yes? That’s awesome. And you deserved the effort into making it happen.

I feel that in most cases, it’s all how you make of it, but it’s usually a win-win (or at least, my perspective in life is). If you ask someone out and they say yes. Win. If you ask them out and they still say no. It’s still a win. It’s a win because you won’t waste time moping for the next six months trying to STILL read their signals and see if you have a shot or not. Isn’t it better to go with your gut at the right time instead of dragging it longer than it should? It’s really not that good for you at all for things to drag and start to bleed all over you. Trust me, it’s not a good feeling cleaning all that up either.

But in retrospect, I feel that I handle myself well in terms of trying to take my own advice in my own affairs. I don’t listen to my own advice often, and I sure do toss my mind aside but it is best to always listen to what your heart has to say.

So, stop being afraid of what could go wrong, and think, of what could go right.