Apologue #18: Dating Material



AHAHAHA! Oh gawd, I am in love with this man. David So is brutally honest and ingeniously witty; therefore I am highly attracted to someone that can make me laugh this much. Check out his channel DavidSoComedy on YouTube for his vlogs.

This wasn’t meant to be a promo post but this bit of him reminded me of something that happened to me quite a few times that I decided I should share and put on the record. There have been countless of times where I have had men AND women come up to me and tell me what kind of dating material I was. It got me confused at first because I didn’t even ask but I was thankful for the honest input so I kept tabs on it to see if there could be improvement for my dating persona. What I would usually hear was that I wasn’t “Girlfriend Material” but more-so of “Marriage Material.”

Guys would be flocking to announce that they’d marry me in a heartbeat but when it comes to dating, I’m not really someone they’re looking for. I get it, you’re young — you want the adventure, you want the fun, you want someone that isn’t so guarded. So, in my late teens to early twenties, I tried tirelessly trying to improve myself to be more “fun” and more flamboyant for my dates. But I guess I still wasn’t the exact kind of “fun” they were looking for because in the end, they’d all say the same line, “I’d marry you but I don’t want to date you.”

NEWS FLASH. How the hell do you plan on getting married to me without dating me in the first place? Men find me comforting like a mother when they need advice and a warm, hot meal when they’re hungry (yes, I can actually cook from scratch — which also happens to be a trait men find important in a wife but they don’t care much in their girlfriend, go figure). I am not your mother and I don’t intend to either anywhere in the near future. Men find me mature and wise beyond my years and find it valuable towards having a wife that is intuitive with good decision-making skills, but yet again, not needed for girlfriends.

I’m not saying men want to only date bimbos. Or maybe I am. But the more you don’t know how the world works and are dependent to him in a cute way, you’re always hot on the dating market. But when you’re normal and know how to think on your own two feet, it’s tough luck because there’s no excitement in him pretending to be the “Big Man” and teaching you the ropes on how to handle yourself. With my dating experiences, I have come to learn that men feel useless and unreliable to girlfriends that tend to be too independent.

I’m the kind of girl that grew up with being independent. If something is broken, I will try and fix it the best I can until I find it fit that I need to call a repairman. If a scorpion somehow got into the house and I don’t know how to kill it, I’ll capture it with a cup and go Google it to find out what I need to do without crying out to the world that some “wild” animal got into the house. I will need your time and your dependence from time to time, but nothing that I can’t do alone first without having to bug you or hassle you first.

So as I grew older and my personality isn’t changing, I came to the late realization that these remarks aren’t helpful tips to better myself for the dating world but actually rude and crude criticism to who I am. I find it very unsettling how people can be honest in saying they’ll “settle” with you as if I am made to be someone to just “settle” with and do all your cooking and cleaning whilst taking care of your four children. It’s not a compliment that you want to marry me but won’t date me, that’s like saying you’d only want the ice cream but not the crispy waffle cone. Well you know what? You don’t know what you’re missing until you get to try that waffle cone and come to discover the hidden treasure that is of solid chocolate on the inside (aren’t those just so awesome?).

If you don’t want to date me because I’m not wild and fun enough, that’s fine — that is all your call. But don’t come looking for me after you’d had all your fun and want to settle down because I’m not interested in recyclables. Just as much as you want to enjoy your “fun,” I too have my own kind of fun that I enjoy daily and would love to share it with the person that is interested in the things I find enjoyable. Why should I settle with someone that just wants to “settle” with me? I’m made for something better than that.

I am my own “Girlfriend Material” for someone who is looking for something exactly like me. I’m not changing myself to be in the better likes of you. Who made up all this bologna about dating materials anyway? Pft.

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