Apologue #17: Who Will I Marry?

I wonder if I’ve met the person I’m going to end up marrying.

It really is thought-provoking if you sit there long enough to start seeing random images of friends and acquaintances reeling by your eyes as you start poking through to see the compatibility. The reason why this thought popped up in the first place is because of a close friend that tied the knot this past weekend (SO MANY WEDDINGS AGAIN THIS YEAR). Arg!

My dear friend hooked up with a really great person this summer and seven months later today, they got married. As much as I’m very happy for the newlyweds, I can’t help but feel shocked every single time I hear about a rushed wedding. No doubts or judgments here. Just a twinge of “How do you REALLY know your spouse really is the spouse for you?” It’s really complicated if you ever want to try and dig into my inner thoughts, but let’s just leave it to the simple things for today.

I just wonder how you can fully come to understanding of how one person is solely for you. I have come across many loves in my life and they were all worthwhile but the number does shorten with each turn of events. You meet people and encounter different turn-ons and turn-offs, and yes, the number does shorten each time because you learn but how does it suddenly go down to just, one? I feel that this would take years and that we’d meet our other half when we’re fifty but people manage to do it real quick and sometimes, I can’t help but be bugged by that.

It’s not that I don’t understand that it can happen fast with some people. But I feel that it bugs me at the fact that most people catch on to this fast and I get left behind with thoughts that get me further and further away from my destination. I have many friends that are already married, have a kid or two, or even divorced. Heck, I already have friends that have remarried. With all this in mind and in all due respect, I don’t know how people move on and also move fast in relationships.

Marriage are big chapters in your life. Marriage isn’t supposed to be easy and like playing house when we’re five. So how is everyone managing into it so quickly? I feel that I would never understand. Maybe I’m trying to decipher something that isn’t meant to be explained thoroughly but I can’t help but feel cautious. Even if it’s not about my own marriage life and it’s regarding my friends, I still feel edgy and I can’t help being doubtful sometimes.

I came close to getting married twice. I was engaged once and the other was a proposal-on-the-way-but-didn’t-happen scenario. Both times I was ready for marriage and believed they were the one for me. I can still picture marriages with both men and both in their own ways have good outcomes. I can’t be the only one here that believes that only one particular person could make a blissful marriage.

So with a nutcase like myself and assurances doubly needed, I came to wonder about who the “lucky” or the “unlucky” fellow may be that will whisk me away to married life. I can’t help but still feel a bit gawky at the thought of myself getting hitched and becoming a mom, but it will happen and I ponder if it’s someone I have already met, befriended, or even dating right now.

As much as I would want to know right off the bat that this person is the “One” for me, I wonder at times if my significant other is thinking the exact same thing about me and is having unsettling mixed feelings (like me) or having dancing butterflies in the pit of his stomach with thoughts of Parthenon backdrops being planned for our big day. Who knows? For all I know, I may be the one to whisk away my groom.

Let’s just pray that I keep my cool and not jump twenty feet in the air every time I hear news of weddings.

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