Apologue #8: Gold or Fool’s Gold?

James is a recent addition in my not-so-fabulous “crushes” corner. I met him this year back in January and we’ve been very good friends. I guess you can say that he’s one of those people that you just “click” instantaneously. He’s funny and quirky and just like me. I can’t help but love him and be so comfortable around him.

We first met through someone mutual. The guy was someone that used to work for my father but then was being relocated to another site; we’ve only met about two, maybe three times tops. But over those short meetings, he got to know me real fast, and fast enough at that to find a friend that would be in his words, “perfect for me.” He immediately wanted to set up a date but I refused. It felt like a blind date and does anyone actually do those anymore? I wasn’t interested. Besides, I don’t even know THIS guy as well. How can I expect anyone good when I don’t even know the person I’m directly talking with? In the end, the guy left and I thought I wouldn’t see him again but I ran into him just two weeks after. I was out getting a cup of coffee at Starbucks and lo’ and behold, ran into him and his supposed blind date that he wanted me to meet.

Given that I just crawled out of bed only two hours before and I wasn’t in anything presentable, I said I would pass and push it back to another time. I wasn’t looking gross or uncomfortable in what I was wearing but when you’re wearing an over-sized Batman logo tee and some yoga pants with flip flops, it’s just one of those days you need to get your coffee and get out before people start getting in your hair. I didn’t even notice that his friend even walked right up to us to introduce himself because he was waiting all by himself at the table. I really was in no mood to have a chit-chat but my supposed blind date changed my mind when he saw my shirt and said he liked Batman too, and then he starts to unbutton his shirt to reveal he had on a Superman logo shirt under his. Nerdvana. I’ve struck gold.

His smile and his Superman shirt is something I would never forget in my eyes. It’s too cute to pass up. Turns out his friend was right, we were too good for each other. We hit it off straight-away with no problems. We’ve sat together and talked nothing but superheros countless amounts of times, and you know, even though I’m more into fantasy and the supernatural, I really don’t mind because it’s enjoyable to talk about anything with him; even if it’s as stupid as what super power would you have and why.

James is six years older than me but he feels like a friend I grew up with. It’s the strangest thing. I look at him and he seems like an overgrown child. But when I look at him work, he’s diligent and hard-working as all young men should be. When it comes to serious matters, he knows when and how to take control and be firm with his decisions. He’s also such a gentleman – and I don’t mean the ones that open your doors and treats you right, because that’s a given. He’s a gentleman because he was brought up right and knows what is right and wrong in front of his woman.

I’ve seen James work at his workplace and I’ve seen James with his friends. He’s like any typical man when it comes to roughhousing and swigging a few beers talking about the latest football games. When he’s with his friends he likes watching raunchy movies and can trash talk like he grew up in the hood. But when he’s front of me, when he’s talking to me – it’s all gone. It’s like it never exists. At first I was taken aback and kind of shocked at how he can turn off that side of him like a switch. I looked at him as if he had multiple personalities and I would never know which was the real him. But the more I saw him and the more I observed, I came to realize that he’s able to self-control his actions and words very well. That’s nothing to be feared of but more respected. In front of me, he always wants to presentable and a gentleman, there’s nothing wrong with that.

I’ve overheard him and his friends shout and scream curse words in front of the television set as if his living room was the live audience of Jerry Springer. But you know, once I walk into that room, even his friends change into well-behaved men. I don’t know who their mothers are but I want to hug them all for a great job. They all give the cutest smiles and have the silliest faces. Maybe there’s hope after all.

But when I look at James, I can’t help but feel hesitant about diving into a deeper relationship too, just like any men. We may have our quirkiness and share similar tastes in nerdiness but I feel that some of this is too good to be true. What James and I have now is a very open relationship. We’re free to see other people if we wish but we both know we wouldn’t. We’re not committed to one another but if we had to, I’m sure we’d talk about it. So how come it isn’t moving forward? Can relationships actually stand still without advancing? It’s a new question that I’ve been trying to figure out myself these past couple of months. As much as I want to know how he feels about all of this, at the same time I feel that I shouldn’t because we’re really not in that area of relations to be talking about any of this. We’re not friends with benefits or even doing anything in that matter, but we care and spend time with each other every weekend.

Since I first met him in January, there has not been a single weekend that I have spent alone because he always was there. Every weekend we talk of movies or superheros or food. I’m serious when I say that I’ve struck gold. The man actually listens and loves to talk. So why aren’t I doing anything to keep him? Why isn’t he doing anything to keep me? Are we even in the same place, or is this another reason that needs to be added to why I don’t do crushes?

3 thoughts on “Apologue #8: Gold or Fool’s Gold?

  1. I’d find a way to talk about it. I know it runs the risk of messing up the good thing that you have, it’s nice not to be alone. But you have to ask yourself if you are willing to look back 15 years from now and still be not alone, but not together either. Trust me, this happened to me with my best friend, we were together but not, like pseudo boyfriend/girlfriend and kept each other from being totally alone for almost 15 years and we’d even casually date other people, but always come back to one another. It seemed like the perfect situation until about a month ago when he broke the news to me that he wanted to marry this girl he’d met a year ago. Without realizing it, all those years I’d come to just expect, one day, eventually, we would be officially together, and now I wish so much that we’d have talked about what was happening with our relationship way back there.

    It’s a risk, but I promise, talking about it now is WAY better than being the one stuck alone after a decade of investment.

    • This is very true. It’s like an investment, or more so emotional insurance for us not to feel so lonely in this world. I’m trying to figure out right now if this is what I want first before I act upon it. It’s better to take the risk than to regret it when I look back on it, and you couldn’t have explained it better.

      Sorry about you and your friend. 15 years in the making is definitely not easy. I’m sure the news of him wanting to marry someone else must have been a huge blow for you. I know how that feels too. Even though we learn through our mistakes, I hope this one was a good experience for you for the future. Thanks again!

      love o’clock

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